I Took My Kids to the Movies!

Yesterday, I took my kids to the movies.

For most people, of course, this may seem like no big deal. For me, it was HUGE!

Here's why...

THE STORY

I have been a mom for almost 7 years now.

By some measures, I am a good one: I stay home with them, care for them, love them, and I don't beat them or talk badly to them.

But by other measures, I am not so good: I have never done the playdate/playgroup thing (that is, I never made the effort to get them around other kids), I don't really do crafty things with them (like fingerpainting or other projects), I rarely take them to the park, and I have NEVER taken them to the movies!

I'm sure you're wondering what I do with them! Well, it's not that they watch TV all day. For the first several years of their lives, in fact, I never let them watch TV at all! Then I started to feel guilty that they were so "backwards" compared to other kids, and I began to let them watch a couple hours a day. Other than that, we read, they help me clean the house, they help me cook, they go grocery shopping with me, they play on the swing set or in the sand box in the backyard, or they play with toys in the house.

So why am I such a weird mom?

Well, I used to explain it by saying that I didn't "need" it. For many moms, getting together for play groups or taking their kids to the park is as much for them as it is for the kids. Moms will say they "need a break" or "need adult conversation," and I kind of prided myself that I wasn't like that. I had plenty of outside interests that kept me intellectually challenged and gave me sufficient "time away" from my kids.

What the Beyond Freedom community has taught me, however, is that those very outside interests were keeping me from enjoying my life and enjoying my children!

THE LESSON

You see, I never had enough time.

I was always too busy.

I never thought I had "permission" to stop what I was doing and do these "frivolous" things with my kids (frivolous to me, obviously--not to them).

I always had so much to do that I kept saying, "When this done, then..." or "When I have this under control, then..."

And though I felt a twinge of guilt that I wasn't doing more with my kids, I justified it by saying, "Well, if we lived 100 years ago, they would be helping with the cooking and cleaning--heck, they might even have a JOB by now!" or "If we lived in the country, we wouldn't have movie theatres or playgrounds or amusement parks nearby..."

It wasn't until my association with the Beyond Freedom community that I began to see the light.

It is because of the Beyond Freedom program--and the people in the community who continue to keep me motivated and set the example--that I am learning to stop and smell the roses.

I am learning to celebrate life.

I am learning to drink in every moment with my kids--who will very soon be grown and living lives of their own.

And I am learning the importance of taking time out to go to the movies!

Who can put a price on that?

Let me end with a powerful quote from the movie we saw yesterday.

The movie was Ratatouille. It's a computer animated film from Disney/Pixar about a rat (Remy), who was born with an appreciation for gourmet food and a desire to be a great chef. He didn't know how, he didn't know when...all he knew was that he was born for something greater than just being one of the pack.

His dad (Django) tries to convince him that he should be satisfied with who he is.

Django says, "This is the way things are; you can't change nature."

To which Remy replies, "Change is nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide."

As Remy turns to leave, Django says, "Where are you going?"

And it is Remy's answer that really hit home to me. It is Remy's answer that is what life is becoming for me. It is Remy's answer that simply and powerfully sums up for all of us the answer to question, "Where are we going?"

"With luck, forward."

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• Are you stopping to smell the roses? Or are you missing out on all of the wondrous taste, smells, and adventures around you because you're just too busy? For the rest of the day, slow down. Take in a sunset, take a walk in nature, hug your kids really really tight, see the city lights at night. Start right now.

Better and Better

"Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better." -- Émile Coué

I am so absolutely filled with amazement and gratitude today, that I can hardly stand it!!!

Here's what's going on:

THE STORY

The past few weeks, I have been working with an amazing goal achieving technique (which I'll tell you about later). This technique is so powerful that out of 50,000+ participants, 80-100% achieved goals that were seemingly impossible. Yes, that's 100%!

I was thinking this morning that I could describe the technique as a magnifying glass. Use it to magnify anything you want in your life. Use it to magnify your Beyond Freedom program, and the world is filled with incredible possibilities!

I have had some amazing success with just the "amateur" level of the technique and have been excited to apply it to something bigger.

One of the key aspects of the technique is setting your goals correctly. That means putting them in terms that are specific and measurable and have a deadline.

This last one has been really really really really hard for me. (Did I mention that it was really hard?)

Why? Because, as I wrote in a previous entry, I am challenged by a powerful fear of failure.

But I set the goal, I believed it was a really good one, and I applied the technique, and the deadline was yesterday...and I didn't achieve it. I didn't even come close.

As I predicted (can you say, "self-fulfilling prophecy"?), I was devastated.

I tried applying the enlightening things I learned in my conversation with Tony, but I just couldn't shake this huge sense of disappointment. Disappointment in myself (I suck!), disappointment in what I was trying to achieve, disappointment in this new goal achieving technique that I really really believe in...

What was I doing wrong? What could I do to fix it?

As I pondered these questions, I did a little browsing on the internet on the topic of goal achieving, and came across an article by personal development guru Steve Pavlina. I was familiar with Steve's work before, but I have never been all that impressed. He didn't seem to bring any new ideas to the table.

In retrospect, that was not a fair way to judge Steve. After all, there really is "nothing new under the sun." Everything that personal development gurus teach has been taught for thousands and thousands of years--Jesus, Buddha, Confuscious--it's all the same. It's just that we humans are too thick-headed to "get it," so people have to teach it and reteach it and try and put a different spin on it. But ultimately, it's all the same.

Anyway, Steve's article was called "How to Set Goals You Will Actually Achieve," and while I did not agree with much of what Steve said (in fact, it ran exactly counter to what I am learning with this new technique), he said something very powerful that I will quote here:

Many people set goals and then assume the path to reach the goal will require suffering and sacrifice – a recipe for failure. A better idea is to set a goal and pay attention to the effect it has on your present reality. Set goals that yield a positive effect on your life whenever you think about them, long before the final outcome is actually achieved. Treat goal-setting as a way to enhance your present reality, not as a way to control the future.

This sentence is worth repeating: Treat goal-setting as a way to enhance your present reality, not as a way to control the future.

I HAD felt great while I was pursuing the goal. My productivity increased. My outlook increased. My joy and enthusiasm increased. It was a worthy goal, and I was better because I had pursued it.

I went to bed last night feeling a little better about myself.

But the Universe was not through teaching me my lesson.

THE LESSON

I had heard of the law of attraction before I saw the movie The Secret, but I never really knew how to apply it. The Beyond Freedom program and participating in our community has been so eye opening, and once you open your eyes and begin to see it, you see it everywhere.

This morning I was online doing some fairly random browsing, when I happened upon (or attracted) a blog called "Creating Passionate Users." Since my WHOLE GOAL is to arouse in people a passion and enthusiasm for their own life, the website really struck a cord.

But I didn't realize how loudly the music would ring!

I randomly clicked on an an entry titled, How to Become an Expert, and was SHOCKED (by that a I mean I nearly fell over when I realized how applicable it was to me) when I read the following:

In the book The New Brain (it was on my coffee table) Richard Restak quotes Ericsson as concluding:

"For the superior performer the goal isn't just repeating the same thing again and again but achieving higher levels of control over every aspect of their performance. That's why they don't find practice boring. Each practice session they are working on doing something better than they did the last time."

So it's not just how long they practice, it's how they practice. Basically, it comes down to something like this:

Most of us want to practice the things we're already good at, and avoid the things we suck at. We stay average or intermediate amateurs forever.

Yet the research says that if we were willing to put in more hours, and to use those hours to practice the things that aren't so fun, we could become good. Great. Potentially brilliant. We need, as Restak refers to it, "a rage to master." That dedication to mastery drives the potential expert to focus on the most subtle aspects of performance, and to never be satisfied. There is always more to improve on, and they're willing to work on the less fun stuff. Restak quotes Sam Snead, considered one of the top five golfers of the twentieth century, as saying:

"I know it's a lot more fun to stand on the practice tee and rip your driver than it is to chip and ptch (sic.), or practice sand shots with sand flying back in your face, but it all comes back to the question of how much you're willing to pay for success."

Let me repeat: It all comes back to the question of how much you're willing to pay for success.

I read that sentence, and it was as if the Universe opened up and pointed at me. "YOU! Margie! How much are you willing to pay for success? Are you really going to let one setback get you? You must get good at setting and achieving your goals. And the only way to get good is to keep setting them and to keep working at achieving them!!!!"

So how good am I at setting and achieving goals? I don't know.

All I know is, each day I get better and better.

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• What are your goals? WRITE THEM DOWN. If you aim at nothing, you'll surely hit it.
• What one thing can you do TODAY to start working in the direction of your goals? Do it right now.
  

More on the Overcoming Story

THE STORY

While I was visiting my Dad, I was perusing his bookshelf and saw a copy of The Power of Full Engagement, by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. I read the subtitle for the book, "Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal," and I remembered seeing these guys on Oprah years ago.

I picked up the book and started reading it--and immediately I was hooked.

I asked my Dad if he had read it (it was in superior condition) and he said he had, but that he hadn't liked it very much.

I was shocked! I had only read three pages, and I said, "Oh my gosh--it's amazing!"

So he told me I could have it--and I am SO GRATEFUL that he did.

What an awesome, life changing book.

As it says in the title, the authors make the case that managing energy is more important than managing time--after all, all the time in the world does you no good if you don't have the energy to spend it wisely.

Boy, that sure resonated with me!

Here are a couple of concepts from the book:

1. There are four areas in which we expend energy: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual (defined as being connected to purpose).


2. Just like you can't continually be exercising (engagement) and need strategic periods of rest and renewal (disengagement), you also need these cycles of strategic engagement and disengagement in your emotional, intellectual, and spiritual life.


3. The lifelong energy obective is to "burn as brightly as possible for as long as possible in the service of what really matters." (You know that when you are connected to a strong sense of purpose, you have seemingly unlimited sources of energy.)

So if we are going build our lives in the service of what really matters and make energy choices that are in harmony with this, then it is critical to understand and define our core values.

THE LESSON

Awhile ago I wrote about how it had come to me that one my core values--my great passion in life--is the overcoming story.

Well, today I am working on an exercise and planning some objectives (target/goals) for the next 6 months.

I am to write out my objectives and then write the internal conflicts that may be holding me back from achieving those objectives.

So just so I would have a point of reference that would allow me to evaluate those objectives against my core values, I wrote those values down again.

As I wrote down value number two (perseverence and the overcoming story), I had a HUGE lightbulb moment--and that's what I want to share now.

The theme of "the overcoming story" has been running throughout my life--it is reflected in the movies I enjoy, the music I listen to, the books I read, the career choices I have made--basically it shows up everywhere in my life.

But I do not have an overcoming story of my own:

• I don't come from poverty: I grew up middle class.
• I was not molested or abused physically, mentally or sexually: My family had its quirks, for sure, but compared to most, it was an idyllic childhood.
• I have not experienced racial or religious prejudice: I am white and Christian.
• I have not struggled with gender inequality: Though I am female, I went to an all girls school, so I never experienced anyone looking down on me because I was a girl/woman.
• I have not struggled with sexuality: I am heterosexual, and there has never been any question.
• I do not have a language barrier: I am American born and a native English speaker.
• I did not struggle in school: On the contrary, I did exceedingly well.
• I do not have any physical, mental, or emotional disabilities: All parts of me function typically.

Because my conscious mind operates on my unconscious values, and I don't have anything of my own to overcome, my conscious mind makes stuff up. That is, my mind continually makes life harder than it needs to be.

Wow.

What a powerful revelation. As I look at my life, I see where this has happened over and over and over again.

In the movie, The Secret, Financial Strategist Loral Langemeier recommends using the affirmation, "Money comes easily and frequently." Then she says, "At first, you think that sounds like I lie..."

How true! But for me, it's not just about money...NOTHING is allowed to come easily and frequently. Everything to me is something to overcome, and guess what? This mindset has done nothing but make my life harder!

Wow. (Did I say that already?)

I am so grateful for my Beyond Freedom. I am so grateful for the people I get to meet and this remarkable journey I get to go on. It's fantastic!

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• What are your core values? If you have never thought about it before, this can be a difficult question to answer. Use these questions to help you figure it out:
1. If you suddenly found you had nothing to do on a Saturday and no one was around, how would you spend your time? Why?
2. What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of movies do you like to watch? What kind of books do you like to read? What do they have in common?
3. If you only had one month left to live, what would you do?

Happy to Be Me

Well, I am back from vacation, and it was AWESOME! 16 days of visiting family, enjoying stunningly beautiful weather, showing my children the wonders of nature, sampling out of this world food...wow...so much fun.

I had hoped to continue writing while I was gone--and I do have one post that I started but did not finish--but the timing wasn't right. Now, however, I am back to "normal" life, and more committed than ever to continue this amazing journey beyond freedom. I am learning SO much about myself, I never could have imagined.

One of the key aspects of the Beyond Freedom course is acknowledging. This means taking a moment to pat yourself on the back--to celebrate your wins. This, the authors state, is a critical factor of success.

So today, I'm going to write about a few things that I did RIGHT on my vacation--things I'm really proud of.

Facing My Fears

Part of personal development is pushing yourself beyond the limits you have set for yourself--doing the things that you're afraid of and stepping out in faith. While I was gone there were three specific times when I faced my fears and allowed myself to feel like I was falling.

1. The enclosed slide.

I am not generally claustrophobic--though the older I get, the more I crave wide open spaces.

However, I have always had a fear of the enclosed (or tube) slide. I think it's because I cannot see the bottom, and I am afraid that I will get stuck.

So one of the stops we made on our trip was to visit the A.C. Gilbert Discovery Village in Salem, Oregon. This is an AMAZING children's museum and includes an enormous outdoor play area that my uncle helped build.

The play area also inlcudes--you guessed it--a covered slide. Actually, it includes several, and the tallest one twists down two full stories.

My 6 year old daughter, who has been known to be afraid of things, went down it without even thinking. I, choosing to face my fears, stood at the entrance and hyperventilated.

My husband stood next to me, encouraging me, and my mom was on the other side of the play area telling me to wait until she could get around and meet me at the bottom.

But I couldn't wait. I had to do it when the courage struck.

So, I climbed in and slid down.

In the end, it turned out to be no big deal. In fact, the more I do things I am afraid of, the more I realize that things are ONLY a big deal in our minds. The FEAR of THINKING of the event was much more powerful than the actual event itself.

So, onto the next fear....

2. Karaoke

You would think that because I am a singer and performer, have sung in concerts around the world, acted on stage, won awards, sung in piano bars, etc., that karaoke would be right up my alley.

I thought so, too, until I actually went to a karaoke bar once many many years ago.

I was so excited to go, but when I got there I discovered a couple things that froze me in my tracks:

1. It was not my style of music. You see, the karaoke songs all seemed to be pop music--my speciality is musical theatre (i.e. showtunes).


2. I hadn't PRACTICED! Here I was, about to get up in front of all these people with a microphone in my hand, and I didn't know what I was doing. I was afraid to make a fool out of myself! And back then, that was a fate worse than death.

So I chickened out that night and have never tried since.

Fast forward to our vacation.

One of the reasons we went out there was that my cousin was having a wedding reception. She and her husband had eloped last year, but were just now getting together with friends and family.

Instead of the traditional DJ and dancing, however, they had, you guessed it, karaoke.

My brother, who is also a performer, is a seasoned karaoke singer, so I told him about me facing my fears and asked for his support. He and his girlfriend, as well as my mom, my husband and my kids, all encouraged me.

So, I looked in the book and found a song I thought I could do. I took a deep breath, and I got up to the mike.

The music started playing, and I was shocked! The arrangement was TOTALLY DIFFERENT than what I expected! Ack! That wasn't my song!

So I stepped down and started looking for something else. Ugh.

Fortunately the DJ helped me find the perfect song. A song I knew. A song I loved to perform.

I got up there and I sang my heart out--and it was great.

My brother's girlfriend, bless her heart, was also a musical theatre fan, and she laughed at the right places, smiled, applauded and was just so amazingly supportive that my transition to karaoke was a great experience.

Like the slide, however, I discovered that facing this fear was actually no big deal. Karaoke crowds are a tough audience. I mean, I am used to have everyone's undivided attention when I am performing. But here, people were talking, eating, drinking, and not really paying attention to me at all. My fear of making a fool of myself was actually pretty unfounded--no one would have noticed anyway!

3. The crater rim.

The day after the reception, we decided to stay in town and visit some of the sites.

We were in Central Oregon, one of the most active, volcanic regions in the world, and there was lots to see that had to do with lava. Here is a description of Lava Butte, which was our first stop:

"About 7000 years ago, a dozen or so lava flows and cinder cones erupted from fissures on the flanks of Newberry Volcano. An excellent example is Lava Butte, a 500-foot-high cinder cone south of Bend along Highway 97. A road spirals to the top providing a grand vista of volcanic country. Here, gas-charged molten rock sprayed volcanic foam (cinders) into the air. These fell back into a pile to form Lava Butte. As the eruption proceded, the amount of gas (mostly water vapor) contained in the molten rock decreased and lava poured out the south side of Lava Butte and flowed 6 miles downhill. The lava spilled into the nearby Deschutes River forming lava dams in some places and shoving the river westward out of its channel in others."

OK, so the forest service has built this road that spirals to the top of the lava cone. The drive itself had me white knuckled only because my mother was driving and I worry sometimes that she gets so distracted by nature that she doesn't always watch where she's going. But, I breathed deeply, and we arrived safely at almost the top. From there it was a steep incline to the very top where there is an observation deck and you can look out for miles around.

It was beautiful. So far so good.

On one side of the butte is a large crater, formed, I guess, by the lava falling in on itself. Visitors have the opportunity to walk the rim of the crater and enjoy the view.

What filled me with terror was not so much my own hiking. After all, it was fairly wide (wide enough for a car, my husband said), but the fact that I was bringing my two children, who can be unpredictably rambunctious at times. I had visions of them tumbling down one side into the crater or down the other, much higher side toward the forest below.

If I had taken this trip 6 months ago, I would have said no to walking the crater.

But these days I am facing my fears, so Dan and the kids and I started walking the half mile trail along the ridge of the crater.

And, of course, as with the other fears that I faced on this trip, it turned out to be no big deal.

There is a life lesson here somewhere.

As my brother-in-law later pointed out, kids have an instinct for self-preservation, too. Unless they lost their footing, or some other unforseen accident occurred, chances are they are not going put themselves in harms way.

How I See Myself

In addition to facing my fears, I want to acknowledge another area of personal growth that I experienced on this trip, and that is how I view my personal appearance.

I have struggled with my looks my entire life. I have always been "bigger" than my peers--not fat, but bigger. Bigger boned, taller. I so wanted to be one of those little, pixie women, but it was not to be.

I wanted to be beautiful, too.

Growing up, I wanted nothing more to perform--on Broadway, preferably. But I always felt like I wasn't pretty enough. In fact, throughout my life, I felt like "not pretty enough" held me back from almost everything I ever wanted to do--I didn't get as much respect, I didn't have as many friends, boys weren't interested in me, etc.

Of course, now I realize that I am in charge of my reality, and if I felt that way, then it most certainly came to pass.

But back then, I just thought it was my lot in life.

And then there's my hair.

My mother has almost no hair on her head. Her mother was the same. When I was born, I had a beautiful head of hair and throughout my childhood people would comment that I was so lucky that the genes had skipped me.

And then about half way through college, I started losing it. Today, while I still have much more hair than my mother and grandmother, I have marked hair loss. Great. Another thing to add to my already low "appearance" esteem.

So, because we are in the "lifestyle" business, Brent, Shayne, and our top leaders continually encourage us to LIVE. We did not join just to turn this opportunity into another desk job, and we need to set the example for those who would follow. So they counsel us to GET OUT and LIVE OUR LIVES, and document it for others via pictures and videos.

This is a little challenging to me. I'm not a big picture taker, and I'm certainly not used to people taking pictures of ME. But I understand why it's so important.

So, on our vacation, I frequently asked my husband to take pictures of me--which he did.

Now here's the great part.

As I looked at the pictures and video, I was amazed at my reaction to myself. I looked good! I didn't look at the pictures and say, "Ugh--I'm fat, ugly and bald."

Instead, I looked at the pictures and thought, "Hey, I'm not that bad! Let's take some more pictures!" Ha ha ha!

And as I thought that, I realized what a HUGE step this is in my personal development. I am more comfortable with myself inside and out--I am happier, I am more relaxed.

And I am THRILLED with my Beyond Freedom!

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• What are your fears? Face one of them today. You'll be amazed to find that the fear is in the thinking about it. Once you do it, you'll realize it's no big deal.
• Do have self esteem issues when it comes to your appearance? Work on being happy in other areas of your life--you will be amazed at how this will "spill over" into areas you don't expect.