Try and Catch Me

When I arrived at the gym this morning, I was surprised to discover lots of smiling parents.

It's not usual to encounter parents--my gym has a preschool in the building, and depending on what time I arrive, I often run into them dropping off or picking up their kids. I see them in the parking lot, too--loading and unloading.

Unfortunately, though, they're not usually smiling! More often than not, they have a harried look on their face as they rush from one place to the next, struggle to herd the kids in the right direction, and deal with separation sadness.

Today, though, they were all smiling. Why?

The answer became clear when I saw what they had in their hands--school pictures had arrived!

I reflected on these parents--parents who so often seemed unhappy--and in my mind I told them, "Hold on to this moment! Hold on to this feeling! Choose to be happy always."

The experience reminded me of a powerful decision I made a few weeks ago.

Beyond Freedom teaches us that we are in control of our feelings. We get to choose how we react in every situation. We choose how we think, and we choose how we feel. So doesn't it make sense that you should choose what serves you? Choose what makes you feel good. Choose what makes you happy! Hold on to the feeling.

I will admit that I am, by nature, an excitable person. I get excited about things that people often think are a little crazy, and I have spent a good deal of my time trying to get others to experience the joy and happiness that I feel so readily. I was popular with people who had low self esteem, because I was their cheerleader. The boys who were attacted to me liked me because I was peppy and would talk a lot.

But focussing on others in this way is exhausting, and I have often craved the company of those who naturally feel the excitement and joy of life that I do. It seems, though, that these people are few and far between.

A few weeks ago, our community theme for the week was being an example--focussing on doing the right thing ourselves (being happy, making a ton of money, etc.), instead of stopping what we're doing to try and motivate others. Tony and his guests taught us that example is the best motivator!

And so I had these thoughts in my mind on Sunday at choir practice.

I am forever trying to get the choir members to smile, have fun, and enjoy the music. "Don't you love it?" I say, "Don't you believe it? Then show it!" And this Sunday was no different.

From there I went to our church service, where I lead the congregational singing as well. Every Sunday I watch as people barely move their lips to sing the songs--even during the happy, joyful songs ("The rousing hymns of Zion!" a leader used to call them), nary a smile can be seen on people's faces. I am up there waving my arms frantically--smiling, emoting, and frustrated that I seem to be the only one enjoying the experience. I want so badly to knock heads together or run around tickling everybody just to get them to smile!

But this particular Sunday, as I was reflecting on our community lessons from the week before, it occured to me that it is not my responsibility to try and make them feel the joy. All I can do is feel it myself, and perhaps others will see my example and want to feel it, too.

Now, I do not know what is going on in anyone else's lives. Perhaps they are struggling with a difficult job situation, or the death or illness of a loved one. Perhaps they are preoccupied with day to day living, financial troubles, or family discord. Perhaps they really are happy inside, and they just have a different way of showing it. I don't know.

But I made a decision that day, and that decision is this: I never want to be caught without a smile.

I never want someone to look at me and wish I was smiling or wish I was happier or wish I could experience the joy they are feeling. I never want someone to look at me and be sad that I don't look happy. I never want to be THAT person--that person I see over and over and over all around me. You know, the one that looks so sad or stressed out or overwhelmed.

So, if you see me walking down the street, try and catch me. If you see me in the store, if you see me in church, if you see me at the school, try and catch me. If you see me with friends, if you see me with my kids (especially with my kids!), if you see me with my husband, try and catch me.

No matter where I am, not matter what I'm doing, try and catch me without a smile.

One Party, Zero Stress

I am so filled with gratitude today! Tired and worn out, but filled with gratitude!!!! :o)

If you have read my story, then you know that I used to be the definition of stress.

In fact, it got so bad that it landed me in the hospital at just 37 years old.

As you may suspect, I was especially stressed out around the holidays. There is so much to do! So many things I am responsible for! I must sacrifice so that everyone else can have a good time!

Yes, that was my life. Perhaps it has been yours, too.

This year, thanks to Beyond Freedom and a community of people to support me, I am having the most stress free holiday season of my adult life.

Case in point is last night.

I serve on the Board of Directors for the Little Theatre of Alexandria (LTA). Theatre is my greatest passion in life, and it is a pleasure to serve there as Governor for Membership. However, one of my responsibilities in this position is to host the annual holiday party.

As someone who always felt unpopular growing up--not being invited to parties, etc.--I have, as an adult, always told people that "parties are not my forte." Soooo much old emotional baggage comes up for me when it comes to parties--no one will come, no one will have a good time, people will talk badly about me afterwards, some else will have a party and not invite me. I would prefer to just stay away and let someone else take the emotional risk.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I was "forced" to plan last night's party--partly because it is my job as Governor, and partly because I couldn't find anyone else to do it for me!!!

But here is the amazing thing...

I was cool as a cucumber in a situation which one year ago would have sent me over the edge. One week before the event I only had a sketchy idea of what I was going to do--and yet, I wasn't worried. A few days before the event I was shopping for food and deciding on a menu--and yet, I was calm and collected. The day before the event, I spent some time in the hot tub!

I wish I could relate what a complete turnaround this is for my life. My husband and my closest friends even noticed it.

And I can entirely contribute it to my Beyond Freedom and this community--a community of people who encourage, motivate, and inspire me to relax and enjoy life.

By the way, the party was a HUGE success. Many many people told me that it was the best holiday party and even the best party of any kind that they had ever been to at LTA. My heart is so full of gratitude, my eyes are welling up with tears--thank you, thank you, thank you Beyond Freedom!

Comfort vs. Results

"I need to ask you right up front--what's more important to you: being comfortable or getting results?"

These were the words spoken to me by my personal trainer when I was reporting the outcome of my latest cardio workout.

It was a tough question.

Though she hadn't said it specifically, I knew she was disappointed in my workout--I could have pushed harder, gone further, done more...but I hadn't.

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I met Caroline six months ago when we were both attending a community event in Las Vegas. She sat across the aisle from me, and I couldn't stop staring at her. She was so beautiful! She had a perfect body--beautiful posture--she was breathtaking.

As someone who has always been self conscious of my looks and body, I developed a lifelong habit of keeping away from people like Caroline. I thought people like her were self centered (wouldn't you have to be to spend so much time on your body?) and conceited (I wasn't in the same league, we both knew it, so it was best to just keep apart).

But my Beyond Freedom and my involvement in the community changed all all that.

Beyond Freedom taught me that all those voices and labels were 100% in my own head. Caroline was a person just like me--she had her own likes and dislikes, her own interests and talents, and her own insecurities.

And Beyond Freedom taught me that you must consciously seek after those who have what you want. If you want to be rich, hang around people who are rich. If you want to be happy, hang around people who are happy. If you want to be healthy, hang around people who are healthy.

So that day I did something I never in my 38 years could possibly have imagined I would ever do: I went up to her and told her how beautiful she was.

Not in a pick up way, of course! I simply told her that I noticed her, that I admired her, and I had wanted to meet her.

And, of course, she was delightful. I pumped her brain for advice on exercise, diet, and a healthy lifestyle. She gave me her card and told me to call if ever I needed any help--business, fitness, or otherwise.

Now, six months later, she has become one of the surest blessings of my life. She is helping me get in shape, and she is asking me the tough questions:

"Don't laugh, I really need to know the answer so that I know how to plan your workouts."

It was hard. In that moment, I had to make a decision. What did I really want? How hard was I willing to work for what I said I wanted? If I really want results, I must do what it takes to get them. Period.

I have been pondering Caroline's question for several days now (in between and even during the brutal workouts she is giving me so that I can achieve my goals--yes, that was my decision), and it occurred to me that her question to me is actually THE question of life:

What do you want more: to be comfortable or to achieve results?

Unfortunately, the majority of the population will choose comfort. Achieving results--in school, in business, in relationships, in fitness, in any area of life--after all, is hard work. It's hard to do things you've never done before. It's hard to quiet those voices in your head that tell you you're not good enough and you can't do it. It's hard to give up your ego, become humble, teachable and trainable in a new way of thinking and living.

But the results? Oh, the results are sooo worth it.