My Kids are So Funny (and They're Just Like Many Adults)!

My kids are so funny.

My husband and I have always been against video games. We see kids playing them non-stop and worry that an entire generation is spending too much energy trying to save a "second world" when they could be out saving the first one.

And yet, there are times when it would be handy to have something that would occupy their time while we are busily engaged in adult pursuits (like waiting in line at the bank).

So this past Christmas, I finally succumbed to the pressures of the world and bought each of my kids--a 6 year old boy and a 7 year old girl--a Nintendo DS.

While they were allowed to play it as much as they wanted during the break, now that school is back in session, they can only play it under certain conditions--like in the morning when we're still sleeping, and when we have to wait somewhere and it's important that they keep themselves occupied (the aforementioned bank, a doctor's office, etc.).

There is also a highly anticipated, magic time in our household called "token time." This is the time when everything that needs to be done is done and they can spend their hard earned tokens (received for doing their chores and achieving other goals we have set for them) on electronics--TV, computer games, and the DS.

When I say everything has to be done, I mean that their room is clean, the living areas are clean, their playroom is clean, and their homework is done.

So today my son really wanted to play the DS. I reminded him that when these things were done, he could have token time. Excited at the prospect, he enthusiastically began to clean every room.

Along the way, however, he found some games that he had started and forgotten to finish, he found some toys that he just really wanted to play with, he found some music that he really wanted to listen to, he found his sister and needed to check out what she was doing, and he found me in the kitchen and wanted to know all the details of what we were having for dinner.

Before he knew it, dinner was on the table, and his golden opportunity to play his DS was gone.

As I watched my son get distracted and off course from his original goal, I kept thinking--"Just do it! It's so simple! Just pick up those three things and you'll get what you want!"

And, of course, those thoughts made me think of myself and all the other adults I know who say they want something--more money, better relationships, less stress--and yet get distracted and off course.

His behavior made me think that the DS wasn't as important to him as I had thought--if it meant that much he would have focussed on the tasks in front of him to the exclusion of all else.

And, of course, that is exactly how the Universe knows what is important to us.

"Unless you are actively engaged in getting what you want, then you don't really want it," says Peter McWilliams in one of my favorite books, You Can't Enjoy the Luxury of a Negative Thought.

Whether you're a kid or a grown up, it's still true.

Our Purpose to God

I just started reading The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles as part of an LDS discussion group. I have often wanted to read this book, but never found the time. I am so grateful that it's now a requirement!

Anyway, I picked it up at the bookstore today (not the libary--I knew I would want to keep it!) and began reading it while I was spinning at the gym.

As I suspected, I couldn't put it down, and I read far more than what I needed for class today.

I came across the following passage in the fifth chapter, and I began to cry. Tears of repentance were running down my cheeks as I cried out to my God and begged forgiveness for stifling and trying to stop or control what He is doing in my life--for all I have done in my lifetime to prevent His Goodness from shining through. I have read the following 10 times today already, and I will read it 10 more before I retire. I will read it 100 times before the end of the week, and I will continue to read it forever. I want to share it with you:

God, the One Substance, is trying to live and do and enjoy things through humanity. He is saying "I want hands to build wonderful structures, to play divine harmonies, to paint glorious pictures; I want feet to run my errands, eyes to see my beauties, tongues to tell mighty truths and to sing marvelous songs," and so on.

All that there is of possibility is seeking expression through men. God wants those who can play music to have pianos and every other instrument, and to have the means to cultivate their talents to the fullest extent; He wants those who can appreciate beauty to be able to surround themselves with beautiful things; He wants those who can discern truth to have every opportunity to travel and observe; He wants those who can appreciate dress to be beautifully clothed, and those who can appreciate good food to be luxuriously fed.

He wants all these things because it is Himself that enjoys and appreciates them; it is God who wants to play, and sing, and enjoy beauty, and proclaim truth and wear fine clothes, and eat good foods. "It is God that worketh in you to will and to do," said Paul.

The desire you feel for riches is the infinite, seeking to express Himself in you...So you need not hesitate to ask largely.

Now that I understand this, I doubt my life will ever be the same.

Lesson 3: What is Possible

Wow. Again, what a timely lesson for me. Now that I am aware of it, I am consistently amazed at how the Universe provides exactly what we need and desire every single moment--including this lesson, at this time, for me.

Three times I have tried to sit down and work on this lesson. Each time I was interrupted or distracted by what was going on around me. Just now (the third time in as many weeks) I avoided the lesson by reading email, searching for things on the internet (and reading the various websites), making a few phone calls, going downstairs for a snack, searching to see if the company had additional flavors of the snack, searching to see if there was a good website I could use to write down my daily food intake...

What is it that causes us to lose focus and get distracted so easily--and most importantly, give those distractions permission to interrupt what we are doing? Amazingly enough, that is the topic of today's lesson.

Exercise: What Derailed You?

Every other time I have done this exercise, I wrote about being tired. It seems that that is my excuse for just about everything--why I don't eat as well as I should, why I don't get done what I want to do, etc. When doing this lesson in the past, I have discovered that most of the time, though, my tiredness comes from a feeling of being overwhelmed at my numerous responsibilities.

(Geez...just got distracted again researching a marketing idea that popped into my head!)

Of course, in the quest to live stress-free I have systematically been removing these responsibilities--either through downright quitting or through downplaying their importance in my mind (that has been one of my own personal struggles--my internal notion that everything is important)--so it should be that this happens less and less. So then why am I still tired all the time? Or, better put, why do I get "tired" when I am about to do something that I have been avoiding?

As I was contemplating this recently (remember, it's taken me 3 weeks to sit down and sort this out), a memory popped up that I believe is highly significant.

When I was in high school, my father was diagnosed with a mental illness that forever changed everyone's life and devastated our family. I despised my father and could not stand to be around him (because I believed his behavior was more in his control than people let on), and I moved as far away as possible as soon as possible--moving in with my grandma the day I graduated from high school and going to college in another state quickly thereafter.

Before I graduated, however, there were occasions when I could not avoid spending time with him. Foremost in my mind are the times when he would pick me up from an after school activity and we would have to spend the long drive home together. I quickly learned, however, that I could get out of any obligatory conversation if I slept. Being tired was the perfect excuse to get out of facing something I did not want to do.

Isn't it curious how that notion from so many years ago has continued to shape my life?

The next part of the lesson helps us think about what we could do next time to that same excuse pops up in our head. So, in addition to exercising, eating right, and taking my vitamins to increase my energy level, I decided that the next time I felt too tired to do something, I would just do one thing I wouldn't otherwise do. I have been doing it for several weeks now, and by and large I have experienced great results. I still have to fight against many years of programming, but I figure if I put that progamming in there myself, I can take it out! :o)

But it doesn't end there...

Three weeks ago when I began working on this lesson, I discovered another powerful form of derailment in my life: putting the needs of others before my own.

Like many people I grew up in home where this principle was pounded into my head. Putting the needs of others before my own was considered a basic requirement of any woman (especially a wife and a mother) and any self-respecting Christian.

Scripture after scripture after scripture--example after example after example--all pointed to the need for sacrifice (and it's accompanying suffering). This was the ultimate in life achievement!!!

The message? If a family member, a community member, or even a stranger has a need that I can fill, I am required to stop what I am doing (in other words...give them permission to distract me) and take care of them.

The result? I am only allowed to do things for myself after everyone else has been taken care of.

But here's the thing. I am not saying that that was totally wrong and that we should all be self centered and look after our own needs. What we do need to do is look at the big picture.

Let's say for example, you have $10 in your pocket. Your employer has decided to start a women's shelter and is matching all donations. Not only that, an anonymous donor has decided to match the total donations raised on behalf of the shelter.

So you head off down the street to give the shelter your $10. Your employer will give another $10, which means the shelter will get $20. The anonymous donor will match that total, which will make it $40. A pretty good deal for the shelter!

Right before you leave the house, your kids remind you of the bake sale at school--so you give them each a dollar. You're left with $8--still a good amount to give to the shelter. Just as you walk out the door, your neighbor approaches you and tells you that they are taking a collection for another neighbor that's in the hospital. So you give her $4--hey, you're money's still going to a good cause. As you're walking down the street, a homeless person asks you for money to buy groceries. You can't resist--it's for groceries after all--so you give him $3.

You finally arrive at the shelter with only $1 left in your pocket. Oh well, you think, I was able to help so many other people with this money--and I at least can give something to the shelter.

But here's the thing. What would have been a total donation of $40 is now a donation of only $4. By getting distracted with all of the other good deeds, you failed to take advantage of something that could have made a much larger impact on the world.

When we make personal improvements in our own life--a task that can seem selfish in the moment (like saying no to the people in the previous story would have)--we are actually creating space to make a much larger impact on the world.

That is, of course, if we have an end in mind. Stephen Covey says (and I'm sorry I can't find a direct quote) that saying no to something really means you are saying yes to something else.

So when you learn to say no to your distractions, whether it's people or responsibilities, you are actually saying "yes" to a whole new life that you get to create for you!

Wow--what a powerful and timely lesson for my life.