My Kids are So Funny (and They're Just Like Many Adults)!

My kids are so funny.

My husband and I have always been against video games. We see kids playing them non-stop and worry that an entire generation is spending too much energy trying to save a "second world" when they could be out saving the first one.

And yet, there are times when it would be handy to have something that would occupy their time while we are busily engaged in adult pursuits (like waiting in line at the bank).

So this past Christmas, I finally succumbed to the pressures of the world and bought each of my kids--a 6 year old boy and a 7 year old girl--a Nintendo DS.

While they were allowed to play it as much as they wanted during the break, now that school is back in session, they can only play it under certain conditions--like in the morning when we're still sleeping, and when we have to wait somewhere and it's important that they keep themselves occupied (the aforementioned bank, a doctor's office, etc.).

There is also a highly anticipated, magic time in our household called "token time." This is the time when everything that needs to be done is done and they can spend their hard earned tokens (received for doing their chores and achieving other goals we have set for them) on electronics--TV, computer games, and the DS.

When I say everything has to be done, I mean that their room is clean, the living areas are clean, their playroom is clean, and their homework is done.

So today my son really wanted to play the DS. I reminded him that when these things were done, he could have token time. Excited at the prospect, he enthusiastically began to clean every room.

Along the way, however, he found some games that he had started and forgotten to finish, he found some toys that he just really wanted to play with, he found some music that he really wanted to listen to, he found his sister and needed to check out what she was doing, and he found me in the kitchen and wanted to know all the details of what we were having for dinner.

Before he knew it, dinner was on the table, and his golden opportunity to play his DS was gone.

As I watched my son get distracted and off course from his original goal, I kept thinking--"Just do it! It's so simple! Just pick up those three things and you'll get what you want!"

And, of course, those thoughts made me think of myself and all the other adults I know who say they want something--more money, better relationships, less stress--and yet get distracted and off course.

His behavior made me think that the DS wasn't as important to him as I had thought--if it meant that much he would have focussed on the tasks in front of him to the exclusion of all else.

And, of course, that is exactly how the Universe knows what is important to us.

"Unless you are actively engaged in getting what you want, then you don't really want it," says Peter McWilliams in one of my favorite books, You Can't Enjoy the Luxury of a Negative Thought.

Whether you're a kid or a grown up, it's still true.

Our Purpose to God

I just started reading The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles as part of an LDS discussion group. I have often wanted to read this book, but never found the time. I am so grateful that it's now a requirement!

Anyway, I picked it up at the bookstore today (not the libary--I knew I would want to keep it!) and began reading it while I was spinning at the gym.

As I suspected, I couldn't put it down, and I read far more than what I needed for class today.

I came across the following passage in the fifth chapter, and I began to cry. Tears of repentance were running down my cheeks as I cried out to my God and begged forgiveness for stifling and trying to stop or control what He is doing in my life--for all I have done in my lifetime to prevent His Goodness from shining through. I have read the following 10 times today already, and I will read it 10 more before I retire. I will read it 100 times before the end of the week, and I will continue to read it forever. I want to share it with you:

God, the One Substance, is trying to live and do and enjoy things through humanity. He is saying "I want hands to build wonderful structures, to play divine harmonies, to paint glorious pictures; I want feet to run my errands, eyes to see my beauties, tongues to tell mighty truths and to sing marvelous songs," and so on.

All that there is of possibility is seeking expression through men. God wants those who can play music to have pianos and every other instrument, and to have the means to cultivate their talents to the fullest extent; He wants those who can appreciate beauty to be able to surround themselves with beautiful things; He wants those who can discern truth to have every opportunity to travel and observe; He wants those who can appreciate dress to be beautifully clothed, and those who can appreciate good food to be luxuriously fed.

He wants all these things because it is Himself that enjoys and appreciates them; it is God who wants to play, and sing, and enjoy beauty, and proclaim truth and wear fine clothes, and eat good foods. "It is God that worketh in you to will and to do," said Paul.

The desire you feel for riches is the infinite, seeking to express Himself in you...So you need not hesitate to ask largely.

Now that I understand this, I doubt my life will ever be the same.

Lesson 3: What is Possible

Wow. Again, what a timely lesson for me. Now that I am aware of it, I am consistently amazed at how the Universe provides exactly what we need and desire every single moment--including this lesson, at this time, for me.

Three times I have tried to sit down and work on this lesson. Each time I was interrupted or distracted by what was going on around me. Just now (the third time in as many weeks) I avoided the lesson by reading email, searching for things on the internet (and reading the various websites), making a few phone calls, going downstairs for a snack, searching to see if the company had additional flavors of the snack, searching to see if there was a good website I could use to write down my daily food intake...

What is it that causes us to lose focus and get distracted so easily--and most importantly, give those distractions permission to interrupt what we are doing? Amazingly enough, that is the topic of today's lesson.

Exercise: What Derailed You?

Every other time I have done this exercise, I wrote about being tired. It seems that that is my excuse for just about everything--why I don't eat as well as I should, why I don't get done what I want to do, etc. When doing this lesson in the past, I have discovered that most of the time, though, my tiredness comes from a feeling of being overwhelmed at my numerous responsibilities.

(Geez...just got distracted again researching a marketing idea that popped into my head!)

Of course, in the quest to live stress-free I have systematically been removing these responsibilities--either through downright quitting or through downplaying their importance in my mind (that has been one of my own personal struggles--my internal notion that everything is important)--so it should be that this happens less and less. So then why am I still tired all the time? Or, better put, why do I get "tired" when I am about to do something that I have been avoiding?

As I was contemplating this recently (remember, it's taken me 3 weeks to sit down and sort this out), a memory popped up that I believe is highly significant.

When I was in high school, my father was diagnosed with a mental illness that forever changed everyone's life and devastated our family. I despised my father and could not stand to be around him (because I believed his behavior was more in his control than people let on), and I moved as far away as possible as soon as possible--moving in with my grandma the day I graduated from high school and going to college in another state quickly thereafter.

Before I graduated, however, there were occasions when I could not avoid spending time with him. Foremost in my mind are the times when he would pick me up from an after school activity and we would have to spend the long drive home together. I quickly learned, however, that I could get out of any obligatory conversation if I slept. Being tired was the perfect excuse to get out of facing something I did not want to do.

Isn't it curious how that notion from so many years ago has continued to shape my life?

The next part of the lesson helps us think about what we could do next time to that same excuse pops up in our head. So, in addition to exercising, eating right, and taking my vitamins to increase my energy level, I decided that the next time I felt too tired to do something, I would just do one thing I wouldn't otherwise do. I have been doing it for several weeks now, and by and large I have experienced great results. I still have to fight against many years of programming, but I figure if I put that progamming in there myself, I can take it out! :o)

But it doesn't end there...

Three weeks ago when I began working on this lesson, I discovered another powerful form of derailment in my life: putting the needs of others before my own.

Like many people I grew up in home where this principle was pounded into my head. Putting the needs of others before my own was considered a basic requirement of any woman (especially a wife and a mother) and any self-respecting Christian.

Scripture after scripture after scripture--example after example after example--all pointed to the need for sacrifice (and it's accompanying suffering). This was the ultimate in life achievement!!!

The message? If a family member, a community member, or even a stranger has a need that I can fill, I am required to stop what I am doing (in other words...give them permission to distract me) and take care of them.

The result? I am only allowed to do things for myself after everyone else has been taken care of.

But here's the thing. I am not saying that that was totally wrong and that we should all be self centered and look after our own needs. What we do need to do is look at the big picture.

Let's say for example, you have $10 in your pocket. Your employer has decided to start a women's shelter and is matching all donations. Not only that, an anonymous donor has decided to match the total donations raised on behalf of the shelter.

So you head off down the street to give the shelter your $10. Your employer will give another $10, which means the shelter will get $20. The anonymous donor will match that total, which will make it $40. A pretty good deal for the shelter!

Right before you leave the house, your kids remind you of the bake sale at school--so you give them each a dollar. You're left with $8--still a good amount to give to the shelter. Just as you walk out the door, your neighbor approaches you and tells you that they are taking a collection for another neighbor that's in the hospital. So you give her $4--hey, you're money's still going to a good cause. As you're walking down the street, a homeless person asks you for money to buy groceries. You can't resist--it's for groceries after all--so you give him $3.

You finally arrive at the shelter with only $1 left in your pocket. Oh well, you think, I was able to help so many other people with this money--and I at least can give something to the shelter.

But here's the thing. What would have been a total donation of $40 is now a donation of only $4. By getting distracted with all of the other good deeds, you failed to take advantage of something that could have made a much larger impact on the world.

When we make personal improvements in our own life--a task that can seem selfish in the moment (like saying no to the people in the previous story would have)--we are actually creating space to make a much larger impact on the world.

That is, of course, if we have an end in mind. Stephen Covey says (and I'm sorry I can't find a direct quote) that saying no to something really means you are saying yes to something else.

So when you learn to say no to your distractions, whether it's people or responsibilities, you are actually saying "yes" to a whole new life that you get to create for you!

Wow--what a powerful and timely lesson for my life.

Lesson 2: Beyond Freedom

Exercise: The Best Advice

Wow. This was such a timely lesson. Just yesterday I was talking with Habiba and a powerful memory came up about something I was told over and over in my childhood. It never dawned on me until that moment how it had affected every aspect of my entire life--I got chills thinking about it!

Then today I opened up my Beyond Freedom and read about how what you have been taught by others and the advice you have received from them throughout the years affects your life today.

When I was a kid, we had a rule. When we would go into any kind of store, my mother would repeatedly say, "Remember, if you don't ask for anything, you might get something when we're done."

I honestly can't count the number of times I have heard that in my life. Even now, my mother says it to my children.

As you might guess, the reason she always told us this was because she hated hearing the constant "can-I-haves" that you hear so often from children. If we were good and kept our mouth shut, we might be rewarded with a treat.

Oh, how I hated this rule. I remember thinking, "But if I don't ask for it, how will you know what I want?"

Eventually, however, I learned to accept it, and I didn't ask. Sometimes I got a treat, and sometimes I didn't. I learned to accept that, too.

It wasn't until yesterday talking with Habiba that I realized that what I learned as a rule for the store had come to govern the thinking patterns of my whole life--including my failed businesses!!!

I never asked for anything, and then I hoped I would get a reward at the end. I never asked for the sale! When I was working a job, I never asked for a raise! No wonder I never made any money!

And it was true with my spiritual life, too. I never asked for what I truly wanted and just "hoped" that I would get my reward!

And yet, Christ clearly told us, "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. (Matt. 21: 22) That's ALL things that you ASK for!

One of my favorite parables is that of the unjust judge. A widow kept coming to him and pleading for him to help her. At first he ignored her, and then he said, "Though I fear not God, nor regard man; Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me." (Luke 18:4-5, my emphasis). Christ goes on to say that if this judge, who felt nothing for this woman helped her merely because of her much asking, how much more so will our Father in Heaven, who loves us, bless us?!

Beyond Freedom asks us to evaluate the advice we have received--was it good? Was it bad? How has it affected your life?

Well, after thorough consideration, I have concluded that this was terrible advice!! And I am DONE keeping my mouth shut!

Right now there is a song coming into my mind from Baby, one of my favorite Broadway musicals, by Richard Altby and David Shire. Three women--two of them pregnant, one of them trying to get pregnant--are sitting in a doctor's office discussing the choices that women face. As they think about what they may have to give up when the baby comes, they all come instead to this conclusion:

I want it all!
I want it all!
I want adventure! Love! Career! Kids large and small--I want it all!
I want the quiet simple life and some glory.
And Steven Spielberg filming my first story.
I wanna be Gloria Steinem, Janice Joplin, Annie Hall.
I wanna be Kathryn Hepburn, Connie Chung, Madame Tussaud
I wanna be Mother Theresa, Sally Ride, Lucille Ball--I want it all!
...
I wanna be Donna McKeknie.
Donna Sommers!
Donna Reed!
I wanna be Margaret Sanger!
Margaret Thatcher!
Margaret Mead!
I want it all! I want it all! I want to find a way to break through every wall. I want it all!
I want Tahiti!
I want a Grammy!
I want a pedicure!
I want dill pickles!
I want a Lear jet!
I want a string bikini!
I want the Nobel Prize!
I want to make totem poles out of fruit cans.
I want it all! I want it all! I want it all! I want it all!

Of course, this raises a whole new challenge for raising my children. Like my mother before me, I too, I grow weary of their continual asking. But that's a discussion for another time.

Lesson 1: Introduction

Here we are--a new day, a new month, a new year. "A blank page or canvas--so many possibilities!" (George Seurat, Sunday in the Park with George)

I am filled with so much gratitude today for my life, my Beyond Freedom, the community, and all of the many gifts I have received in this past year. My life has been enriched and transformed, and right now I am designing this next year to be the most fulfilling and joyful year I have yet experienced. I can't wait!

I am progressing through my Beyond Freedom yet again and will chronicle my experiences here. What jewels will I discover this time?

Exercise: My Ultimate Day

I love this exercise! It feels so good to think about this perfect day--and the more I think about it and write about it, the more my mind will work to bring it to pass.

I awake with the sun and linger only briefly in bed. I am filled with gratitude for my amazing life, and I am excited and eager to start this new, miraculous day. I brush my hair, put on my clothes and head downstairs to enjoy the morning. The house is quiet--I am the first one up--and, as I look out at the water, I again feel my heart swelling with gratitude for my life and the joy I feel in living each moment fully. My home is clean and sparse--I do not need things around me to be happy. In fact, the less I have, the happier I am.

I am so grateful that I am wealthy! I am grateful that I can afford for someone else to keep my house clean and my yard perfectly manicured.

I do some yoga and feel the stretch in my body. I have worked hard to keep this body in such good shape--I am strong, thin, flexible, and well-toned. I am so grateful for all the people that have come into my life that have helped me achieve the results that for so many years alluded me. I am grateful to have the opportunity to be an example for others who also struggle with their bodies.

I go for a quick run--the weather is beautiful, slightly chilly, but not cold. The sun is not too high in the sky. I can't believe that I can run so far and feel so good!

I return home to find that my family is just getting up. After I take a quick shower, we all enjoy a breakfast together of beautiful and bounteous fresh, delicious fruit.

After breakfast, we spend time together as a family. Maybe we play a game, read, or just talk, laugh, and love each other.

Later, we enjoy a delicious and satisfying lunch consisting of a large, fresh, green salad and maybe some hearty bread.

In the afternoon, we all go our separate ways. I may do some scrapbooking, writing, or blogging. Maybe I'll pay a few bills or do some shopping (now that I have this great body, I love to shop for clothes--I never did before!). Maybe I'll do a little business and return a few phone calls from some people who are ready to change their lives and start living stress-free like me. It's amazing how many people I talk to now that take action and get started. The money flows freely into my life, and I receive it with overwhelming gratitude!

In the evening, my husband and I join a few friends for dinner at a fine, vegetarian restaurant.

Afterwards, we head over to the theatre where one of our signature, empowering plays is playing to a packed house. I start the show by welcoming everyone to our life-changing venue. I feel the thrill of standing in front of a crowd--all eyes on me--smiles and applause--I just drink it up!

After the show, throngs of people come up to me to tell me how our plays have touched them and given them the courage to take charge of their lives. They have tears in their eyes, and I do, too. I can't believe I was chosen "for such a time as this." I am so grateful for my life!!!

I am so grateful that I got to live my ultimate day!