Lesson 3: What is Possible

Wow. Again, what a timely lesson for me. Now that I am aware of it, I am consistently amazed at how the Universe provides exactly what we need and desire every single moment--including this lesson, at this time, for me.

Three times I have tried to sit down and work on this lesson. Each time I was interrupted or distracted by what was going on around me. Just now (the third time in as many weeks) I avoided the lesson by reading email, searching for things on the internet (and reading the various websites), making a few phone calls, going downstairs for a snack, searching to see if the company had additional flavors of the snack, searching to see if there was a good website I could use to write down my daily food intake...

What is it that causes us to lose focus and get distracted so easily--and most importantly, give those distractions permission to interrupt what we are doing? Amazingly enough, that is the topic of today's lesson.

Exercise: What Derailed You?

Every other time I have done this exercise, I wrote about being tired. It seems that that is my excuse for just about everything--why I don't eat as well as I should, why I don't get done what I want to do, etc. When doing this lesson in the past, I have discovered that most of the time, though, my tiredness comes from a feeling of being overwhelmed at my numerous responsibilities.

(Geez...just got distracted again researching a marketing idea that popped into my head!)

Of course, in the quest to live stress-free I have systematically been removing these responsibilities--either through downright quitting or through downplaying their importance in my mind (that has been one of my own personal struggles--my internal notion that everything is important)--so it should be that this happens less and less. So then why am I still tired all the time? Or, better put, why do I get "tired" when I am about to do something that I have been avoiding?

As I was contemplating this recently (remember, it's taken me 3 weeks to sit down and sort this out), a memory popped up that I believe is highly significant.

When I was in high school, my father was diagnosed with a mental illness that forever changed everyone's life and devastated our family. I despised my father and could not stand to be around him (because I believed his behavior was more in his control than people let on), and I moved as far away as possible as soon as possible--moving in with my grandma the day I graduated from high school and going to college in another state quickly thereafter.

Before I graduated, however, there were occasions when I could not avoid spending time with him. Foremost in my mind are the times when he would pick me up from an after school activity and we would have to spend the long drive home together. I quickly learned, however, that I could get out of any obligatory conversation if I slept. Being tired was the perfect excuse to get out of facing something I did not want to do.

Isn't it curious how that notion from so many years ago has continued to shape my life?

The next part of the lesson helps us think about what we could do next time to that same excuse pops up in our head. So, in addition to exercising, eating right, and taking my vitamins to increase my energy level, I decided that the next time I felt too tired to do something, I would just do one thing I wouldn't otherwise do. I have been doing it for several weeks now, and by and large I have experienced great results. I still have to fight against many years of programming, but I figure if I put that progamming in there myself, I can take it out! :o)

But it doesn't end there...

Three weeks ago when I began working on this lesson, I discovered another powerful form of derailment in my life: putting the needs of others before my own.

Like many people I grew up in home where this principle was pounded into my head. Putting the needs of others before my own was considered a basic requirement of any woman (especially a wife and a mother) and any self-respecting Christian.

Scripture after scripture after scripture--example after example after example--all pointed to the need for sacrifice (and it's accompanying suffering). This was the ultimate in life achievement!!!

The message? If a family member, a community member, or even a stranger has a need that I can fill, I am required to stop what I am doing (in other words...give them permission to distract me) and take care of them.

The result? I am only allowed to do things for myself after everyone else has been taken care of.

But here's the thing. I am not saying that that was totally wrong and that we should all be self centered and look after our own needs. What we do need to do is look at the big picture.

Let's say for example, you have $10 in your pocket. Your employer has decided to start a women's shelter and is matching all donations. Not only that, an anonymous donor has decided to match the total donations raised on behalf of the shelter.

So you head off down the street to give the shelter your $10. Your employer will give another $10, which means the shelter will get $20. The anonymous donor will match that total, which will make it $40. A pretty good deal for the shelter!

Right before you leave the house, your kids remind you of the bake sale at school--so you give them each a dollar. You're left with $8--still a good amount to give to the shelter. Just as you walk out the door, your neighbor approaches you and tells you that they are taking a collection for another neighbor that's in the hospital. So you give her $4--hey, you're money's still going to a good cause. As you're walking down the street, a homeless person asks you for money to buy groceries. You can't resist--it's for groceries after all--so you give him $3.

You finally arrive at the shelter with only $1 left in your pocket. Oh well, you think, I was able to help so many other people with this money--and I at least can give something to the shelter.

But here's the thing. What would have been a total donation of $40 is now a donation of only $4. By getting distracted with all of the other good deeds, you failed to take advantage of something that could have made a much larger impact on the world.

When we make personal improvements in our own life--a task that can seem selfish in the moment (like saying no to the people in the previous story would have)--we are actually creating space to make a much larger impact on the world.

That is, of course, if we have an end in mind. Stephen Covey says (and I'm sorry I can't find a direct quote) that saying no to something really means you are saying yes to something else.

So when you learn to say no to your distractions, whether it's people or responsibilities, you are actually saying "yes" to a whole new life that you get to create for you!

Wow--what a powerful and timely lesson for my life.