I Did It!!!

My parents have been divorced for 20 years, and not long ago I had two separate visits from them.

Strangely enough, both of them at some point during their visit described me as having a particular characteristic that I never would have used to describe myself--goal oriented.

My mom was the first one to say it, and I just kind of let it slide. But when my dad said it on a later visit, I stopped him and said, "That's so funny that you say that--Mom said the same thing when she was here, and I just don't think of myself that way."

So he went on to tell me how when I was a little girl I would get something in my mind that I wanted to do and that I would not stop until I had done it. "Look at everything you've done in your life," he said. "You set out to do something and you do it. That's the way you've always been."

I suppose I can see where he is coming from.

I wanted to work at Sea World when I was in high school, and I did it (despite the fact that I lived in Oregon and Sea World was in California). I wanted to go to college in San Diego, and I did it (even writing a letter of appeal to the Dean when I didn't get in the college I wanted). I wanted to go to Europe, and I did it (when an unexpected gift fell in my hands). I wanted to move to Washington, D.C., and I did it (despite having no job and not knowing a soul). I wanted to become an actress and singer, and I did it (and I have the reviews to prove it). I wanted to get married, have kids, and be a stay at home mom, and I did it.

I would definitely characterize myself as driven--but why do I feel like I have never been goal oriented?

I think it's because I never wrote them down.

Phil Keoghan, famous as the host of TV's The Amazing Race, talked to us at our latest conference in Cancun, about having a "list for life"--a list of all the things you want to accomplish before you die. There is even a new movie out now called The Bucket List, about two men to make a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket."

Until my Beyond Freedom, I never had a list like that.

There is an urban legend--one of those "motivational" emails that get passed around--about the Yale class of 1953. Laurence Tabak, of Fast Company magazine writes:

The story, as told by consultants, goes like this: In 1953, researchers surveyed Yale's graduating seniors to determine how many of them had specific, written goals for their future. The answer: 3%. Twenty years later, researchers polled the surviving members of the Class of 1953 -- and found that the 3% with goals had accumulated more personal financial wealth than the other 97% of the class combined!

This story has been told by motivational speakers for years, and I have heard it myself multiple times. Unfortunately, it isn't true.

What is true, however, is the fact that writing down your goals--and telling a friend--makes you more likely to achieve them. This was scientifically proven in a study by Dominican University of California psychology professor Dr. Gail Matthews. And, of course, it is a foundational principle in Beyond Freedom.

So if I am a goal oriented person, like my parents say I am, why is it that I never did this? I've been to the seminars, read the books, listened to the counsel--what was stopping me?

It's simple, really. It's a nasty, four-letter word: fear.

You see, if I have a vague, kind of "someday" goal, and I never achieve it, well, I guess I wasn't very serious. I guess I didn't really want it anyway. But if I have a SMART goal (specific, measureable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound), and I don't achieve it--I am a failure.

And failure is something I just can't abide. (I had a talk with Tony about this very thing a few months ago. I really should read my own blog more often--I learn so much myself from the things I write!)

My Beyond Freedom changed all that, and back in July, I set a goal that has transformed my life: I wanted to be able to run 3 consecutive miles before December 31.

Well, today is December 27, AND I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mentally, I still can't get my mind around it. I have been going over and over the course in my mind--did I measure right? Was that really 3 miles? Am I sure it wasn't 3 kilometers? Was it really me?

Yes, it really was--it really was.

As we were driving home from the park where I ran, my mom asked me how far I had run. I told her it had been 3 miles and that I had just accomplished a goal I had set for myself. From the backseat, my 7 year old daughter said, "So what's your next goal, mom?"

And that is the power of having a specific goal. The more you set, the more you achieve!