Nothing Short of Miraculous

Parenting is always a challenge, but when you and your child have completely different learning styles, it can be downright frustrating, and even maddening.

Such is the case with me and my daughter. My 8 year old daughter is a visual spatial learner (VSL). In other words, she lives in the right side of her brain--the side that is filled with music and pictures and emotion and creativity. As such, she struggles with things like time, organization, focus, and oral communication--those things that the left side of the brain excels in.

Unfortunately for the two of us, I live in the left side of the brain--a world where order and structure and time are the main focus. And unfortunately for her, this is also the side of the brain where the world--and school especially--primarily operates.

Getting through the day and accomplishing those things that she needs to get done is a constant battle--things as simple as combing her hair, ensuring that all her homework is in her backpack, and even getting her shoes on can be a challenge. The most common word you hear in our house is, "Focus!"

Well, yesterday I had had it. She is in a gifted and talented program at school and each month they work on a big project. She had worked hard on hers and over the weekend I asked her TWICE if she had packed it in her backpack. On Monday after school, however, she told me that she had left it at home. I was frustrated and told her she had better pack it right then. Yesterday morning I was angry to discover she had again left it on her desk.

So, I had had it, and I determined that when she got home from school we would sit down and figure out a plan to help her stay on top of what it is that she needs to do.

At the appointed time, we sat down with a piece of paper and brainstormed different ideas that we thought might help her. We came up with a plan to create a "pocket board"--pictures of things she needed to do with cards to flip after each thing was done. I told her I would make one for her and sent her off to bed.

Later, however, I realized that this was an "external" solution, and the challenge that VSL kids have is bridging the gap between the internal world that they live in and the external world that they need to function in. What I needed was an INTERNAL solution, not an external one.

What came to my mind was an exercise I learned a few weeks ago from brain scientist Dr. Joe Dispenza. He taught us something he calls "mental rehearsal," or thinking through things in your mind in precise detail before actually acting on them in the real world. Basically, it's a highly focussed form of visualization.

I decided that this is exactly what my daughter needed.

So this morning I went into her room and told her that I didn't think the pocket board would work and that we needed something that was inside her brain. We had done mental rehearsals for other things with some success, so I told her we were going to do it again.

I sat with her on the bed and together we talked and thought through exactly what she needed to do--down to the very smallest detail. "OK, so now you need to put on your shoes. Do you know what shoes you are going to wear? Do you know where they are? Should you comb your hair before or after putting on your shoes? OK, so what's next?"

When we were done, I told her to open her eyes and asked, "Now, can you make your real life match what you just saw in your head?"

What happened next was nothing short of miraculous--SHE DID IT!

There was no shouting, no arguing, no reminding, and no frustration. It was the smoothest, most efficient, most calm morning I can ever remember.

It was like magic.

I am convinced that this tool is going to have a profound effect on our family life and how my daughter connects to the outside world.

Thank you Dr. Joe!

Lesson 19: Change and Acceptance (Part 6 - Final!)

This post is my thoughts on a lesson from the Beyond Freedom home study course for personal growth and life achievement. This course has been instrumental in transforming my life from stress-full to stress-FREE. Order your own copy today at: http://www.LibertyLeague.com/margieremmers And transform YOUR life from where you are now, to where you want to be.

Wow. This lesson has been a remarkable journey for me--though there was nothing NEW that I learned, it reinforced what I have been learning from various sources over the past couple of months...especially what I learned in the Bahamas from Andy Andrews and Dr. Joe Dispenza. It all comes down to personal responsibility--is there something you want to change in your life? Don't complain about--change it! You know exactly what to do, so DO it! Here are my comments for the last two questions in this exercise.

5. How would you reprogram your mind to do it all differently?

I would program my mind to believe that how I feel about my body and my beauty determines both my behavior--how I take care of it, and how I act around others.

I would program my mind to believe that exercise is FUN and that eating healthy FEELS BETTER.

I would program my mind to believe that life is supposed to be FUN and that I don't have to be PERFECT (which is a good thing, because I never will be).

I would program my mind to believe that people like me and want to be around me--and I would constantly search for evidence that that is true.

I would program my mind to believe that making money is GOOD, and that you can have more of an impact on the world by having MONEY and spreading it around than you can by doing anything else.

I would program my mind to believe that life is EASY, FUN, and FREE-FLOWING.

I would program my mind to believe that I am successful whatever I do.

I would program my mind to believe that my example is all that is necessary to change lives.

6. If your life was a blank canvas, what is the first object you would paint?

It would be a picture of me--thin, healthy, and beautiful--smiling/laughing with my kids and my husband, out in nature, appreciating, loving, and enjoying every second of our lives.

Wow. Let me at it. :o)

Daily Gratitude

Research shows that people who keep a daily gratitude list feel better about their lives as a whole and feel more optimistic about the coming week. Compared to control groups, they exercise more frequently and report fewer physical complaints. They also experience more positive emotions, fewer negative emotions, and exhibit more helpful behavior towards friends and neighbors. (Emmons & McCullough, 2003) -- more... What are you grateful for? Here's my list today. Feel free to add yours to the comments!

Wow. I am just so grateful for my life...I am bursting! Thank you for a great sleep last night. Thank you for a great mental rehearsal this morning. Thank you for my wonderful husband that I get to wake up next to every morning. Thank you for my beautiful, incredible kids--and thank you that they both got up on their own this morning! Thank you that we got to the bus on time and everything was relatively smooth. Thank you for Lyn's reminder bracelet--as well as all of the other inspiration and tools that help me be a better mom to her. Thank you for my talkcast last night! Thank you for vision, wisdom, clarity, and understanding. Thank you for my new sanctuary! Thank you for all of the wonderful, amazing things that are popping up all around me--just what I always wanted!!!! It is so beautiful and wonderful. Thank you for my GREAT bike ride this morning--the new places I discovered, the beautiful falling leaves, and still getting back on time! Thank you for Tony and Wendy--wow...thank you for Wendy. That was incredible! Thank you for Sue, and for all the lessons learned that make me a better and better person every day.

Talkcast 11/4: Stress & The Body

Notes from tonight's Stress Solutions talkcast. Did you miss the show? Listen the recording online or download the mp3 here: www.StressFreeRevolution.com/talkcast

Additional links & resources:

Dr. Joe Dispenza's website: www.DrJoeDispenza.com

Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's website: www.DrJillTaylor.com

Dr. Jill on Oprah's Soul Series: Click here.

Dr. Frank Lawlis' book The Stress Answer on Amazon.com.

The Lawlis & Peavey Center: www.LawlisPeavey.com

Stressed Out to the Max on the Dr. Phil Show.

Stress: Portrait of a Killer on PBS: www.PBS.org/stress

What are some ways you can jolt your synaptic connections apart?

• Stand on furniture
• Do things with the opposite hand
• Go to a new town, new restaurant, new country!
• Move furniture
• Get rid of your "stuff"
• Take alternate transportation
• Smell fresh cut flowers
• Start dancing

Add your ideas in the comments!

Lesson 19: Change and Acceptance (Part 5)

This post is my thoughts on a lesson from the Beyond Freedom home study course for personal growth and life achievement. This course has been instrumental in transforming my life from stress-full to stress-FREE. Order your own copy today at: http://www.LibertyLeague.com/margieremmers And transform YOUR life from where you are now, to where you want to be.

Over the last few days I have really been working through this lesson. This is why Beyond Freedom is considered a 90-day program even though there are actually only 29 lessons. Sometimes you just need time to work through stuff!

Yesterday I answered the question, "What are the top three things you would like to change about yourself?"

You can read the entire post here, but basically I chose:
1. My physical appearance
2. My social standing
3. My perfectionism

Today's question is...

3. What are the habits you have established to enable those undesirable behaviors to flourish?

Wow. Placing the responsibility smack on my shoulders!!!!

In fact, yesterday I wrote about those very habits. I know I could be thinner and have a better body--but I just don't do it.

I know I could have more friends if I put in the effort--but I just don't do it.

Now, the perfectionism thing...that's a little harder. I think it's because with losing weight and gaining friends are things I can DO, whereas with perfectionism, it's things I should NOT do.

But thinking about it now, perhaps the answer is to find things that specifically break my perfectionism habit--like leave a (gasp!) typo in this post?! :o)

The point is, and what this lesson brings out so clearly, is that everything we want to change about ourselves is just a choice--choosing to walk toward what we want or walk away from what we want.

So I think I have time to answer one more question in this exercise:

4. Can you forgive yourself and accept who you are? (Write the answer in a complete sentence.)

Yes, I can forgive myself and accept who I am.

It's interesting. I got back from the Bahamas a few weeks ago, where I had the opportunity to spend time with Andy Andrews, author of The Traveler's Gift: Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success. One of the decisions is "The Responsible Decision." Andy explained that taking responsibility for something does not mean taking the blame for how you got there, but rather, taking responsibility for your future. He quotes Harry S. Truman, "The buck stops here," and says that we must decide that, "I will not let my history control my destiny."

So yes, I can forgive myself and accept who I am, but I will also take responsibility for my future. If I want these things to change, then I must be responsible for taking the action to make it happen.

Daily Gratitude

Research shows that people who keep a daily gratitude list feel better about their lives as a whole and feel more optimistic about the coming week. Compared to control groups, they exercise more frequently and report fewer physical complaints. They also experience more positive emotions, fewer negative emotions, and exhibit more helpful behavior towards friends and neighbors. (Emmons & McCullough, 2003) -- more... What are you grateful for? Here's my list today. Feel free to add yours to the comments!

Wow. I am just so grateful to be an American. I left the voting booth this morning in tears...so grateful to live in a country where I am not arrested, beaten, or killed just for expressing my opinion. I am grateful for inspiration--a few days ago I received personal direction to vote for a candidate that I had decided against. I don't know what it means, but I followed the inspiration and felt good about it--part of why I think I was so emotional. Anyway, on to today's gratitude list...

Thank you for this incredible, beautiful, wonderful day. Thank you for living in this nation and all the opportunities and freedoms it affords. Thank you for my husband. He is just so great--what else can I say? Thank you for bringing us together. Thank you for keeping us together. Thank you that we get along so very well. Thank you for his beautiful, clean, spacious home--and thank you for all the wonderful plans to improve it! It's so exciting! Thank you for modern technology. Thank you for this incredible, wonderful, amazing, awesome business. Thank you for finally "getting" just how simple it is. Thank you for Sue. Thank you for Elisa. Thank you for Susan. Thank you for sooo many blessings I can hardly count them. Oh, thank you for Amy, too, and all the kind people who have responded to my emails. Thank you for the wisdom that making changes in my own life allows me to set the example for others. Thank you for getting that. Thank you for Shannon's enthusiasm this morning. She's so funny. Thank you for all the support and wonderful, positive, enthusiastic people I have surrounding me, encouraging me, uplifting me, sharing with me. I am so very blessed. What could be more wonderful?

Lesson 19: Change and Acceptance (Part 4)

This post is my thoughts on a lesson from the Beyond Freedom home study course for personal growth and life achievement. This course has been instrumental in transforming my life from stress-full to stress-FREE. Order your own copy today at: http://www.LibertyLeague.com/margieremmers And transform YOUR life from where you are now, to where you want to be.

In previous posts, I discussed my thoughts on this lesson, and last time I began working on the 6 part exercise--I only got through part 1 before my time was up! Let's see how well I do today... ;o)

2. Name the top three things you would like to change about yourself.

Wow. This is interesting. First, it says the "top" three things--that implies that most people have more than three!!!! Hahaha.

Second, it doesn't mention any category--it could be anything about yourself.

It's interesting that the first thing that popped into my head was how I look--I wish I was thinner, had a better body, had better hair, was prettier. I have always been obsessed with how I look--comparing myself to everyone I see and always coming up short. If there is one thing that I would say has held me back from achieving all I wanted to in my life, it is the fact that I have always believed I'm not pretty. As I would look at other women and what they have achieved in life, the first thing that pops into my mind is "Well, I can't do that...I'm not pretty enough." It really has plagued me as long as I can remember.

Of course, a good deal of what I don't like about myself in this area I can change--if I put in the effort.

The second thing that popped into my head as I thought about this question is, "I wish more people liked me." Again, I have always been plagued by the fact that I don't have a lot of friends, didn't get invited to parties, didn't go on a lot of dates, etc. I have thought over the years that people rarely have lukewarm feelings about me--they either love me or they hate me. I doubt that is true, but that was my perception.

And of course, if I really wanted to, this is an area I could change, too--if I put in the effort.

I learned how to be a good friend from my friend Elisa. Elisa would call me regularly just to chat, invited me to parties, or out to see things. We ended up having babies around the same time, and so it was fun to talk about our new motherhood or child rearing. Our friendship stayed alive for many years because Elisa knew instinctively how to make and keep a friend--she knew that it required effort. Because of Elisa, I realized that all those years that I complained about not having friends, not being invited places--all those years I never made the effort to be a friend to anyone else.

Now when I think about friends, I realize that it is my fault that I don't have more of them, and that if I ever wanted to have more, I know exactly what I need to do.

The third area that I would like to change is my difficulty "letting go"--I am often wound up tight...a rule follower, not a rule breaker, trying to be perfect all the time. This is what led to my near heart attack at just 37--holding everything in and taking on too much. And, of course, this has led to my difficulty making friends as well. People want to be around those who make them feel good about themselves, and I think I make people uncomfortable.

The good news is that I am already working on these three areas. Perhaps that's why they came to my mind so easily as I started this exercise.

Wow. Time's up again already. More next time.

Daily Gratitude

Research shows that people who keep a daily gratitude list feel better about their lives as a whole and feel more optimistic about the coming week. Compared to control groups, they exercise more frequently and report fewer physical complaints. They also experience more positive emotions, fewer negative emotions, and exhibit more helpful behavior towards friends and neighbors. (Emmons & McCullough, 2003) -- more... What are you grateful for? Here's my list today. Feel free to add yours to the comments!

Thank you thank you thank you for an incredible morning and an incredible life. Everything is so amazing! Thank you for vision and clarity and understand and "getting" it--finally getting it. Thank you for the pennies from heaven! Thank you for my health--for my wonderful bike ride, for my soothing yoga, for my relaxing shower. Thank you for my husband, my beautiful home, my wonderful children. Thank you for a day off of school! Thank you for the pumpkin party. Oh, thank you thank you thank you for such a different life than before. Thank you for Amber. Thank you for technology. Thank you for the amazing human mind--so much creation before us! Thank you for the many wonderful men as examples for my son. Thank you for such an amazing relationship with my children. Thank you for the beautiful fall colors and the cool (but not too cold!) weather. Thank you for friends and loved ones. Thank you for my new kitchen! Thank you for the money that is circulating all around me and showering down on me! Thank you for the Bahamas. Thank you for my talk cast. Thank you for Aisza and Sue and Linea and Coleen and Anthony. And thank you for getting it. Oh, thank you for getting it.