Nothing Short of Miraculous

Parenting is always a challenge, but when you and your child have completely different learning styles, it can be downright frustrating, and even maddening.

Such is the case with me and my daughter. My 8 year old daughter is a visual spatial learner (VSL). In other words, she lives in the right side of her brain--the side that is filled with music and pictures and emotion and creativity. As such, she struggles with things like time, organization, focus, and oral communication--those things that the left side of the brain excels in.

Unfortunately for the two of us, I live in the left side of the brain--a world where order and structure and time are the main focus. And unfortunately for her, this is also the side of the brain where the world--and school especially--primarily operates.

Getting through the day and accomplishing those things that she needs to get done is a constant battle--things as simple as combing her hair, ensuring that all her homework is in her backpack, and even getting her shoes on can be a challenge. The most common word you hear in our house is, "Focus!"

Well, yesterday I had had it. She is in a gifted and talented program at school and each month they work on a big project. She had worked hard on hers and over the weekend I asked her TWICE if she had packed it in her backpack. On Monday after school, however, she told me that she had left it at home. I was frustrated and told her she had better pack it right then. Yesterday morning I was angry to discover she had again left it on her desk.

So, I had had it, and I determined that when she got home from school we would sit down and figure out a plan to help her stay on top of what it is that she needs to do.

At the appointed time, we sat down with a piece of paper and brainstormed different ideas that we thought might help her. We came up with a plan to create a "pocket board"--pictures of things she needed to do with cards to flip after each thing was done. I told her I would make one for her and sent her off to bed.

Later, however, I realized that this was an "external" solution, and the challenge that VSL kids have is bridging the gap between the internal world that they live in and the external world that they need to function in. What I needed was an INTERNAL solution, not an external one.

What came to my mind was an exercise I learned a few weeks ago from brain scientist Dr. Joe Dispenza. He taught us something he calls "mental rehearsal," or thinking through things in your mind in precise detail before actually acting on them in the real world. Basically, it's a highly focussed form of visualization.

I decided that this is exactly what my daughter needed.

So this morning I went into her room and told her that I didn't think the pocket board would work and that we needed something that was inside her brain. We had done mental rehearsals for other things with some success, so I told her we were going to do it again.

I sat with her on the bed and together we talked and thought through exactly what she needed to do--down to the very smallest detail. "OK, so now you need to put on your shoes. Do you know what shoes you are going to wear? Do you know where they are? Should you comb your hair before or after putting on your shoes? OK, so what's next?"

When we were done, I told her to open her eyes and asked, "Now, can you make your real life match what you just saw in your head?"

What happened next was nothing short of miraculous--SHE DID IT!

There was no shouting, no arguing, no reminding, and no frustration. It was the smoothest, most efficient, most calm morning I can ever remember.

It was like magic.

I am convinced that this tool is going to have a profound effect on our family life and how my daughter connects to the outside world.

Thank you Dr. Joe!