I am so excited I could hardly sleep last night.
Have you ever been taught the same thing over and over, but then one day--BAM--it really sinks in? Like it took hearing it from several different sources and put in many different ways for you to finally "get" it?
Well that's what happened to me.
Though I have learned this lesson before (Beyond Freedom, T. Harv Eker, Tony, and so many others), finally, this weekend, it sunk in. I mean really sunk in. My life will never be the same.
So what lesson am referring to? The difference between having a standard and having an ideal.
Last Thursday I had HAD it with my daughter's room. She was having a birthday party on Saturday, and it was important that she get her room clean, so I set her to the task while I went and made some phone calls. I told her that if it was not done when I came back, I would clean her room, and she wouldn't be happy with the result (i.e. I would throw away all of her possessions!).
Well, I came back, and it wasn't done, so I got out the shovel. I literally went through every corner and gathered armfuls of trash, broken toys, dirty clothes, books, art projects, jewelry, hair stuff, scattered shoes--it was really disgusting. And the whole time I was kicking myself for being a bad mother and letting her let it get this bad.
I have always felt like the kids' rooms were their domain and that they should be responsible for how they live there. I make them clean the rest of the house (so it's not like they don't know how to clean!), and I guess I was just hoping the lessons would spill over into their rooms. Not so with my daughter! I was mad at her and disappointed that she would let it get this bad--until I realized it was actually my fault for not teaching her correct principles. I never taught her how to care for her room--how could I expect her to know what to do? She is only 8 years old.
So when we were done, she and I sat down and I wrote out a list of standards for her room. The list included things like:
- Clothes belong in the closet, the hamper, or the drawer.
- Shoes belong in the closet.
- Toys only go on the floor when someone is playing with them.
- Unless you are sleeping in it, the bed should be made.
- etc.
After that, I made two checklists--one for morning and one for bedtime--to get her in the habit of checking the state of her room against the standards (checklists are nothing new in our house--we use them all the time and love them! :o).
Finally, I made her an accountability chart, which she has to sign each morning and bedtime, to indicate that she followed the checklist and her room is up to spec.
It has been four days so far, and it has worked beautifully!
This experience got me to thinking about the power of standards. I thought, "Good grief, I need to write up standards for everything in my life!" I felt I needed to develop a measuring stick that says, "This is the minimum I expect in this area."
I started making a list of all the rooms in my house, and my mind started churning about how they should look. Then I started expanding my ideas beyond the house and into things like my physical appearance, my relationships, my daily life, my energy level, my financial condition...I was on fire!
And then it hit me...
Suddenly I realized the motivating power of a standard--a power far stronger than an ideal.
Like I said, this was not the first time I have learned this. T. Harv Eker calls this principle your "thermostat." The temperature in a room is determined by the thermostat--the setting of what the temperature should be--and it is so powerful that even when conditions temporarily change (a blast of cold air or sweltering heat), it will work to bring the temperature in the room back to the setting on the thermostat. The only way to make permanent change, he says, is to change the setting.
Harv uses this analogy when referring to finances and having a "millionaire mindset"--that is, an expectation of being a millionaire, being financially free, etc.
Liberty League and many other home-based businesses teach their associates to have this same expectation. "Expect success and you will get it," you will often hear the gurus say.
But I never "got" that concept. I had a hard time believing it because I could point to example after example of times when something turned out differently than I expected.
I think what made it click for me now is simply applying a new word to the same concept: standard.
A standard is something that is usual, normal, average, common. The standard is the natural state of things.
What made this concept really sink in, though, was when I compared it to a word I had been using instead: ideal.
An ideal is something you work toward but never really get. In fact, dictionary.com goes as far as saying an ideal is "something that exists only in the imagination."
So all this time, all my affirmations, all my personal development, all my house cleaning, all my working out, all my financial decisions were based on something that could never happen!
My reality was, in fact, my standard.
Look at it this way. Every single aspect of your life is governed by the standards you set for yourself. If you are in a relationship that you're unhappy with, and you remain in that relationship, it's because the relationship meets your minimum standards. Even victims of abuse will use this logic: "Well, at least he doesn't beat me" or "Well, at least he only beats me and not the kids." The very fact that they use the words at least is an indication of where they draw the line.
If you're in a house you don't like, if the house you live in is not as clean as you'd like, if your kids are not behaving the way you'd like, if you don't make as much money as you'd like, if your body does not look the way you'd like it to--it's simply because your current state is somehow "acceptable" or "good enough" for right now. Once you raise your standards and your current state is no longer acceptable to you, all the force of the Universe will conspire to deliver what you desire!
This is why studies have shown that the number one factor of success is the expectation of success. This is why kids who grow up with money end up making a lot of money. This is why the only thing required to succeed is the decision to do so!!!
Whew! OK. Wow. I said I was on fire! I am just bursting with gratitude and excitement about the future. This powerful realization just happened over the weekend and already I can see a tangible difference in my life, my attitude, my family, and my surroundings.
Suddenly I feel I can accomplish anything! Suddenly I my dreams feel like reality! Suddenly the burdens and "overwhelment" of my life have vanished!
I get it, I get it, I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!! :o)
3 comments:
You have been raving about this all week! As I said on our call today, I finally get it too!
Linea
http://lineajones@wordpress.com
I had a couple people ask me some questions about this, so I thought I would post them here, along with my replies.
One person wrote, "I don't get it just yet, but I would like to... and I will. Please tell me more about the difference between a standard and an ideal and why this makes such a big difference in your vibrational relationship to it."
And I responded:
Sure thing! Think for a minute about what you currently have in your life. There are certain things that you just couldn't (or wouldn't) live without. Here are some examples:
My guess is that you have a cell phone. Now, I don't know how old you are, but for me, cell phones are a relatively new thing. Now I feel naked without one!
Same with cable TV. I grew up with just the main networks--ABC, CBS, and NBC. Now I feel like I couldn't live without the Food Network, Discover Channel, Bravo, and others.
How about the Internet? Have you come to rely on the Internet?
These things have become standards in my life--very basic things that I couldn't (or wouldn't want to) live without. Consequently, my income always exactly matches these "necessary" expenses.
Now take a look at Donald Trump. He probably owns a private jet that takes him wherever he wants to go. But let's say it's in the shop. He might stoop to First Class on a major airline, but do you think he would ever fly coach? No way. Even when he was on the brink of bankruptcy (and he has been, a number of times), I'll bet he didn't. Why? Because flying coach is beneath his standards! I'll bet that he will do whatever it takes to avoid flying coach. It's not even a remote possibility for him--just like it's probably not a remote possibility that you would ever own a home or rent an apartment that doesn't have running water.
There are tons and tons of other examples I could name. What your current standard is is dependent on any number of things--your upbringing (we tend to want for our children what we had (or never had) as kids, your culture (eg. every African American woman I have ever known gets her hair done--I don't care how broke she is, she finds the money to do it), your educational level, your religious beliefs, etc. What I realized in my big AHA moment is that our standards can also be independent of these things--they can be whatever we DECIDE.
Abraham says that our main task here is to take in all the wonderful variety in life, decide what we want--what suits us and brings us pleasure--and then allow it to come forth.
The DECISION is not just hoping for what you want (an ideal), it's deciding that you WILL have it. Period. That is your standard. You will settle for no less.
When you make a powerful decision like that, all the Universe rushes in to bring it to you.
Now, allowing it to come in...that's another story. :o)
And Amy wrote, "Why standards and not ideals? Standards sound so much like settling for the lowest level? I know this is my conditioned listening with regard to the word standard. However the way you use it makes no sense to me. Why set standards? They are already set. lol!"
And I wrote:
Ah yes. GREAT question! Standards ARE the lowest level. That's what makes them so poweful!
Get out a piece of paper and try this exercise:
Draw a horizontal line. That's your baseline, or your standard. Now, a couple inches above it, draw another horizontal line. That's your ideal. Now, you are living your life in between these two lines. Sometimes you're closer to the top, sometimes you're closer to the bottom. But generally, you're going to be pretty much in the middle.
Now let's use money as an example just because numbers are quantifiable. You could easily apply this to ANYTHING--relationships, possessions, energy levels, health, etc.
Let's say you are going to go get a job (I wouldn't recommend it, but a lot of people seem to want one ;o). You have in your mind what you believe you're worth. You think "Well, I would love to make $75,000 per year (top line, your ideal), but I would settle for $35,000 (bottom line, your standard)." So you go job hunting, you get some offers, you decide what job you like best, maybe there is job that pays more, but the one that's more fun pays less, maybe there are other factors like benefits and commuting to consider, etc. etc. Ultimately, you will get a job somewhere in your range--maybe it's $40,000, maybe it's $50,000. But if someone offered you a job for $20,000, you would laugh in their face, right? No WAY--you couldn't live on just that much.
OK, so let's say we change the TOP line--we're thinking bigger and better now, so we change our ideal. Now you say, "I would love to make $100,000 per year, but would settle for $35,000 (your standard stays the same)." So you go job hunting, same deal. What affect does having a higher ideal have? Well, it has some affect, sure, because the average between the two is greater. So maybe instead of getting a job in the $40,000-50,000 range, you get one in the $50,000-60,000 range. Pretty good.
But what would happen if you raise the BOTTOM line--your standard. What if, instead of saying you'd settle for $35,000, you declare that you will accept no job less than $50,000? Well, even if you didn't raise the top line at all, you would STILL get a better paying job. You'd have to, because you wouldn't accept anything less.
That's why raising the STANDARD is more powerful than raising the IDEAL. With an ideal, you could hit it or not and still be content. But boy, if something is not up to standard, you get your butt and gear and make it so.
Make sense?
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