I Did It!!!

My parents have been divorced for 20 years, and not long ago I had two separate visits from them.

Strangely enough, both of them at some point during their visit described me as having a particular characteristic that I never would have used to describe myself--goal oriented.

My mom was the first one to say it, and I just kind of let it slide. But when my dad said it on a later visit, I stopped him and said, "That's so funny that you say that--Mom said the same thing when she was here, and I just don't think of myself that way."

So he went on to tell me how when I was a little girl I would get something in my mind that I wanted to do and that I would not stop until I had done it. "Look at everything you've done in your life," he said. "You set out to do something and you do it. That's the way you've always been."

I suppose I can see where he is coming from.

I wanted to work at Sea World when I was in high school, and I did it (despite the fact that I lived in Oregon and Sea World was in California). I wanted to go to college in San Diego, and I did it (even writing a letter of appeal to the Dean when I didn't get in the college I wanted). I wanted to go to Europe, and I did it (when an unexpected gift fell in my hands). I wanted to move to Washington, D.C., and I did it (despite having no job and not knowing a soul). I wanted to become an actress and singer, and I did it (and I have the reviews to prove it). I wanted to get married, have kids, and be a stay at home mom, and I did it.

I would definitely characterize myself as driven--but why do I feel like I have never been goal oriented?

I think it's because I never wrote them down.

Phil Keoghan, famous as the host of TV's The Amazing Race, talked to us at our latest conference in Cancun, about having a "list for life"--a list of all the things you want to accomplish before you die. There is even a new movie out now called The Bucket List, about two men to make a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket."

Until my Beyond Freedom, I never had a list like that.

There is an urban legend--one of those "motivational" emails that get passed around--about the Yale class of 1953. Laurence Tabak, of Fast Company magazine writes:

The story, as told by consultants, goes like this: In 1953, researchers surveyed Yale's graduating seniors to determine how many of them had specific, written goals for their future. The answer: 3%. Twenty years later, researchers polled the surviving members of the Class of 1953 -- and found that the 3% with goals had accumulated more personal financial wealth than the other 97% of the class combined!

This story has been told by motivational speakers for years, and I have heard it myself multiple times. Unfortunately, it isn't true.

What is true, however, is the fact that writing down your goals--and telling a friend--makes you more likely to achieve them. This was scientifically proven in a study by Dominican University of California psychology professor Dr. Gail Matthews. And, of course, it is a foundational principle in Beyond Freedom.

So if I am a goal oriented person, like my parents say I am, why is it that I never did this? I've been to the seminars, read the books, listened to the counsel--what was stopping me?

It's simple, really. It's a nasty, four-letter word: fear.

You see, if I have a vague, kind of "someday" goal, and I never achieve it, well, I guess I wasn't very serious. I guess I didn't really want it anyway. But if I have a SMART goal (specific, measureable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound), and I don't achieve it--I am a failure.

And failure is something I just can't abide. (I had a talk with Tony about this very thing a few months ago. I really should read my own blog more often--I learn so much myself from the things I write!)

My Beyond Freedom changed all that, and back in July, I set a goal that has transformed my life: I wanted to be able to run 3 consecutive miles before December 31.

Well, today is December 27, AND I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mentally, I still can't get my mind around it. I have been going over and over the course in my mind--did I measure right? Was that really 3 miles? Am I sure it wasn't 3 kilometers? Was it really me?

Yes, it really was--it really was.

As we were driving home from the park where I ran, my mom asked me how far I had run. I told her it had been 3 miles and that I had just accomplished a goal I had set for myself. From the backseat, my 7 year old daughter said, "So what's your next goal, mom?"

And that is the power of having a specific goal. The more you set, the more you achieve!

The Quest for Perfection

At this busy time of year, there are lots of things that can stress us out--you don't need me to list them. But I believe there is ONE thing that is at the root of all the others. One thing that, while causing stress all year long, makes the holidays especially stressful. One thing that, if we could just control or eradicate it, would absolutely transform our lives.

My mother is visiting for the holidays, and last week she had the opportunity to join me in my son's Kindergarten classroom as we helped the teacher put on a fun holiday party.

Our job was to help a group of children make cute little reindeer gift bags.

First, the kids had to trace and cut out a big heart that formed the reindeer's face. Next we traced their hands, which they then cut out to glue on as antlers. Finally, they cut out and glued on two eyes and mouth, and the project was complete.

I noticed as we were working that I was helping three children finish their bags for every one child that my mom was helping. Why was that?

I watched closely and discovered that it was because my mom was carefully tracing exactly the child's hand. It was because my mom was correcting the children as they cut so that they would stay on the lines. It was because my mom was showing them the precise placement of the eyes and nose so that it matched the model, rather than letting them decide where each piece should go.

It was because my mom was on a quest for perfection.

As I pondered this experience and looked back at my life and the things that have caused me stress over the years, I realized that this was it. This was the root cause of 80% of my stress. This was what landed me in the hospital. This is what has always made the holidays so stressful.

There is an exercise in Beyond Freedom that asks us to write down the best advice we have ever received. I can't say that perfection was something ever told to me in the form of "advice" (in fact, I can say with 99% surety that my mother would deny ever doing so), but as we all know, actions speak louder than words.

I grew up watching my mother in her constant strive for perfection, and I was rewarded and praised for mine.

But this unyielding drive did not start with my mom--or her mom before her.

Generations upon generations, for more than a thousand years, Christians have been repeating to each other these powerful words of Christ: "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48)

And for all these years people have been trying, and failing, at this objective.

I remember years ago having a conversation with a friend in which I said, "Well, you know, the best we can do is try." He said to me, "No. Christ didn't say to try to be perfect. He said to BE perfect." Talk about pressure!

It's this kind of mentality, plus an unhealthy dose of supermodels and Martha Stewart (or Donna Reed, for the earlier generation), that make today's American woman one of the most stressed out of creatures in world history.

As I write this, my mom is sitting at the dining room table with my two children helping them decorate gingerbread men. From the other room, I can tell that her voice, and no doubt her blood pressure, is rising with frustration. The children are being too rambunctious, and one of the gingerbread men has broken. The frosting included in the kit that she bought is not up to standard, so she must quickly make some of her own. The kids are eating the candy that is supposed to be reserved for buttons. Things are runny, gooey, and messy, and I hear her say, "My mother would never have had gingerbread men turn out like this."

What can we do? Surely I am not suggesting that Christ was wrong--that he couldn't possibly expect perfection in us--that we should just let things go and not worry about the consequences!

No, far from it.

We can find some clarity long before the coming of Christ in the counsel to the children of Israel: "Let your heart therefore be perfect with the LORD our God, to walk in his statutes, and to keep his commandments, as at this day." (1 Kings 8:61)

You see, we must still be perfect. But our perfection in getting every card out before Christmas or in decorating the house just so, in cooking the best ham or in buying the best presents, in reindeer antlers or gingerbread men, are not what ultimately matter. We must be perfect in obedience. Perfect in submission. Perfect in appreciation. Perfect in gratitude. Perfect in love. Perfect in joy.

And that kind of perfection comes not from being stressful, but in letting go and living by faith--by living stress free.

Good, Better, Best

Good, better, best
Never let it rest
'Til your good is better
And your better, best!

I had a choreographer one time that used to say this to us--I think she said it was something her mother used to say.

The quote came to my mind after a couple of experiences at the gym the other day.

Though I did play some sports in grade school, I have never been what I would consider an athlete--that is, I never really enjoyed sports. For one, I didn't enjoy exercising in general. There are some people who really love that feeling of a good workout. More power to 'em! I'm just not one of them.

And second, I wasn't any good. Perhaps I wouldn't mind the exercising if I felt like it was something I was good at and could be proud of, but nope--not me!

Here I am, though, thanks to my Beyond Freedom and its goal achieving system, training for a triathlon, of all things.

My trainer has been having me run on a treadmill--the weather is too cold to run outside now, and this gives us exact distance and speed. And, of course, she is making me go faster and further than I ever have before.

So the other day, there was this guy on the treadmill next me, and he was amazing! I could not believe how fast he was going, and he just kept going and going! I was panting and out of breath and feeling like I was going to throw up, and he just kept going and going. It was so motivating! "I want to be like that guy," I said to myself. And I wanted to ask him if I could run next to him every day.

A few days later, I was again on the treadmill, and this time the person next to me was a short, heavy set woman who was just walking.

As I was doing my routine, I overheard her talking to a similar woman on the other side of her. They were talking about fitness and their goals, and she turned to me, smiled, and said, "Someday, I'm going to be like her."

I almost turned around. What she talking about me? Was she talking about this woman who never enjoyed exercise and who has been struggling to make it through a simple, 30 minute program? Was she talking about the one who wanted to throw up when she was running next to a true athlete the other day?

I wanted to correct her! I wanted to tell her I wasn't so great! I wanted to tell her that we all have our challenges!

But I didn't.

I just smiled back.

You see, Beyond Freedom had taught me an important lesson. My purpose here--as well as that of everyone else with whom I share the planet--is to be the best me that I can be.

So many times in my life I have compared myself with others. It has made me depressed (she's so much prettier than I am, why don't I have as many friends as she does?, her mom is so much nicer--my life sucks!) and it has made me conceited (oh my gosh, I am so glad I'm not flat chested like her, geez, I am so tired of being the only smart person around here, why can't you guys be serious for once?)--both qualities that are decidedly unattractive and unproductive. They take me nowhere but down.

What I have learned is that comparison is only good for one thing--motivation. The man next to me motivated me to be better, just as I motivated the woman next to me to be better. And that is what life should be like--all of us striving and helping each other be better, and to make our better the best that it can be.

At the Copa, Copacabana..

It stills seems a little surreal to think that I am training for a triathlon.

In one of the Beyond Freedom exercises, we are asked to write down 101 things we would like to do before we die. The first time I did it, I struggled to come up with 19!

As I thought of what would make me really feel like I had accomplished something, a marathon popped in my head. I have always really admired anyone who could run marathon. Boy, if I could do that, that would really be something.

Trouble is, I don't like to run.

At the time, I had a friend who was training for a triathlon. I thought, "Well, I like to swim and I like to bike--hey, why not?!" And I wrote it down.

There is a strange power in writing goals down on paper. Now that I had it written, I had to do it!

So that's how I ended up in a spin class at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning.

Since beginning my training, I have taken a few of these classes, and they are grueling! The teacher does the best that she can, though, to change it up and make us feel like we really are going somewhere and not just "spinning our wheels." And she puts on music to give us something to help pass the time and provide some rhythm in our movement.

This particular day, the music she picked was just perfect--for me, anyway. I knew and could sing along with almost every song. It put a big grin on my face and helped me forget for a moment how hard I was working and how tired I was.

And then it happened.

"Her name was Lola..."

Something stirred in me.

"She was a showgirl..."

It made my blood tingle.

"With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there..."

I could not fight the urge to dance!

"At the Copa, Copacabana...Music and passion were always in fashion at the Copa!"

I sat up in my seat and moved my arms to the music. I sang--I shouted! I was having a grand time. I couldn't help it.

The teacher looked at me and smiled, and then an amazing thing happened--she started waving her arms and dancing, too. And here and there, I even caught a couple of my classmates joining in.

By my stepping out and not being afraid to express my joy, I gave permission to everyone else to express theirs as well!

It reminded me of the famous Marianne Williamson quote (often mis-attributed to Nelson Mandela), from her book, A Return to Love:

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I am so grateful for my Beyond Freedom and the community of people who give me permission every day to be the best I can be and spread that light to others!

Preschool, Pizza, and Perspective

Two heart-warming stories. One important message.

The Case of the Disgruntled Preschooler

When I arrived at the gym this morning, it was wet and cold.

As is often the case, there were parents unloading preschoolers and shuttling them into the adjoining school.

Today, however, there was one little girl who got my attention.

As she got out of the car and experienced the harsh winter weather, she started crying. Her mom, simultaneously juggling a baby in a stroller and trying to comfort her young daughter, said, "Well, honey, just keep walking and we'll be in the warm building soon."

The little girl--while walking with her mom in the direction of the warm building--cried even louder and said, "NO! We'll never get in the building!"

As I brushed by this young family, I couldn't help but chuckle. Here was the little girl walking toward her goal--her target within view--and yet, she couldn't see it. All she could see was the wind and the cold and the wet snow around her making her miserable.

The Case of the Misdirected Pizza

It had been a long, cold day, and I didn't feel like getting up from under the warm blanket. Cooking dinner was unthinkable. The solution? One quick call to Domino's, and a warm meal would be on its way.

I lumbered to the kitchen and made the call.

Ah. Mission accomplished. Back to the warm blanket.

Twenty-five to forty minutes later, the food arrived, and I herded the children into the dining room. We gave thanks, cracked open the box, and...horrors! The pizza was not what we ordered!

Perhaps we would not be so upset except for this simple fact: we are vegetarians, and what was sitting on our table was a dead pig. They had put ham on our pizza! Blech.

I called Domino's. Surely they would make everything all right.

Unfortunately, the woman on the phone seemed confused. I had to explain the situation several times. She was irked that my voice rose every time I had to explain again.

They would send the correct pizza.

Twenty-five to forty minutes later, the second set of pizzas had still not arrived, and I was due at my neighbor's house any minute. I had no choice but to call Domino's and tell them to deliver it to a different address.

I called, and again, I was faced with having to explain the situation multiple times. Again the lady was irked that my voice continued to rise.

I arrived at my neighbor's house furious and frazzled. I knew my neighbor would not be home, but I was meeting a mutual friend there for an evening of crafts and conversation. I ran in and quickly explained what a rotten day I'd had and apologized for being late. My friend was very gracious, of course, and waited while I went back to the car to get my things--including the meat-tainted pizza. I couldn't keep it in my house, so I planned to give it away.

When I walked in with the boxes, my friend looked at them and nearly cried. "You brought food?" she said. "Yes," I explained, "this pizza is why I am so upset. I thought you might want some. Did you eat?"

She looked at me and paused. Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "I can't believe you brought pizza."

I was a little stunned at her reaction. After all, I hadn't quite recovered from my irritation at the situation. The correct pizzas still had not arrived, so I was distracted by my determination to remain mad at Domino's. Why was she reacting this way?

Suddenly I had a realization, and I said, "Are you why this happened to me?"

She looked at me almost ashamed and embarrassed--she had prayed for pizza.

It turns out that she had ordered pizza for her husband and house guests, but she didn't get to eat any. It had arrived just as she was leaving, and she didn't want to be late to meet me. She had planned on going hungry.

Now it was my turn to be ashamed and embarrassed. How dare I be upset when I know that everything happens for a reason. Oh, how I was kicking myself at my base ingratitude for the situation. I didn't know the pizza would bless Sandi, but I could have imagined that it would bless someone.

It seems in retrospect that much if not all of our frustration in life comes from a lack of perspective.

The little girl only saw what was right in front of her--not where she was headed. I got a wrong pizza and only saw how bad it was for me--not how much good would come out of it.

It reminds me of the fly who is so focused on pushing through the glass that he doesn't notice there is an open window right next to him.

Oh how much of our frustration can be eliminated just by looking at the big picture--seeing from a distance! Seeing that the effort a butterfly must exert when pushing out of his chrysalis makes his wings sturdy and strong. Seeing that the trials we go through make us stronger, too.

Seeing that despite the wind and cold, we really are headed toward a warm building.

Regis' Special Gift

On November 15, 1968, my friend Regis received a very special gift. Others may not think so--they may call it a trial, an adversity, an obstacle, a challenge, or even a curse.

I'll let you decide.

I met Regis in the fall of 1986 at the beginning of our freshman year of college. My roommate Sylvia and I were standing in line to rent a refrigerator for our dorm room, and the boys behind us starting talking about something that sparked our interest. We turned around and joined in the conversation. It turned out that they lived just two floors above us!

Regis and Sylvia (and I, by extension) became fast friends.

Not long after, there was a football game in the quad, and I saw Regis sitting on the sidelines watching. I went over and talked to him and asked him why he wasn't playing.

As we got to know Regis more and we watched him meet new people, we often joked that when people met Regis for the first time, they always immediately learned two things about him: that he's French and that he has a heart condition.

Sitting on the sidelines that day, it was my turn to learn these two things for the first time.

Regis said, "Yeah, I'm not really into sports. A lot of people think I'm gay--I'm not. I just have a heart condition."

Regis' parents met when his mom, an American, was spending a year in France. After a whirlwind romance, followed by a multi-year long distance relationship, his father came to the United States and they got married. A few years later, Regis was born.

What began as a joyful occasion soon turned into a nightmare, as Regis' special gift was discovered.

Regis was born with a hypoplastic aortic arch. A not uncommon congenital heart condition, this simply meant that his aorta was too small--not big enough to handle the blood that his heart was trying to pump throughout his body. What made Regis' condition unique was the fact that it wasn't just a small, easily fixable portion of the aorta. In fact, it was all of the major blood vessels.

When he was nine years old, Regis underwent a major bypass graft. Basically, the doctors gave him a second set of artificial blood vessels so that his heart could send double the amount of blood to the rest of his body. Though these types of artificial bypasses are fairly common in small sections, Regis was the first (and to his knowledge the only) person ever to have received an entire system bypass. And though the doctor put in "accordion" grafts so that the vessels would expand as he grew, Regis was never expected to live to adulthood.

Now, at 39 years old, Regis is a living example of someone who has lived life to the fullest.

He decided at a very young age to become a physician, and he did it (the only one of our crowd, by the way, who actually ended up doing what he said he would). He has travelled the world. He understands what is important. He hasn't spent his life accumulating "stuff"--though with a doctor's salary he very well could--and instead has built his life around helping people (including providing medical aid to the poorest of people in the inner city) and fostering and developing relationships with the people he loves.

Yes, Regis was given a very special gift--the gift of knowing that life here on earth does not last forever, of realizing that people are our most precious resource and that we must always treat them with love, kindness and respect, and of understanding that to truly get the most out of life, we must live as if each day was our last.

Try and Catch Me

When I arrived at the gym this morning, I was surprised to discover lots of smiling parents.

It's not usual to encounter parents--my gym has a preschool in the building, and depending on what time I arrive, I often run into them dropping off or picking up their kids. I see them in the parking lot, too--loading and unloading.

Unfortunately, though, they're not usually smiling! More often than not, they have a harried look on their face as they rush from one place to the next, struggle to herd the kids in the right direction, and deal with separation sadness.

Today, though, they were all smiling. Why?

The answer became clear when I saw what they had in their hands--school pictures had arrived!

I reflected on these parents--parents who so often seemed unhappy--and in my mind I told them, "Hold on to this moment! Hold on to this feeling! Choose to be happy always."

The experience reminded me of a powerful decision I made a few weeks ago.

Beyond Freedom teaches us that we are in control of our feelings. We get to choose how we react in every situation. We choose how we think, and we choose how we feel. So doesn't it make sense that you should choose what serves you? Choose what makes you feel good. Choose what makes you happy! Hold on to the feeling.

I will admit that I am, by nature, an excitable person. I get excited about things that people often think are a little crazy, and I have spent a good deal of my time trying to get others to experience the joy and happiness that I feel so readily. I was popular with people who had low self esteem, because I was their cheerleader. The boys who were attacted to me liked me because I was peppy and would talk a lot.

But focussing on others in this way is exhausting, and I have often craved the company of those who naturally feel the excitement and joy of life that I do. It seems, though, that these people are few and far between.

A few weeks ago, our community theme for the week was being an example--focussing on doing the right thing ourselves (being happy, making a ton of money, etc.), instead of stopping what we're doing to try and motivate others. Tony and his guests taught us that example is the best motivator!

And so I had these thoughts in my mind on Sunday at choir practice.

I am forever trying to get the choir members to smile, have fun, and enjoy the music. "Don't you love it?" I say, "Don't you believe it? Then show it!" And this Sunday was no different.

From there I went to our church service, where I lead the congregational singing as well. Every Sunday I watch as people barely move their lips to sing the songs--even during the happy, joyful songs ("The rousing hymns of Zion!" a leader used to call them), nary a smile can be seen on people's faces. I am up there waving my arms frantically--smiling, emoting, and frustrated that I seem to be the only one enjoying the experience. I want so badly to knock heads together or run around tickling everybody just to get them to smile!

But this particular Sunday, as I was reflecting on our community lessons from the week before, it occured to me that it is not my responsibility to try and make them feel the joy. All I can do is feel it myself, and perhaps others will see my example and want to feel it, too.

Now, I do not know what is going on in anyone else's lives. Perhaps they are struggling with a difficult job situation, or the death or illness of a loved one. Perhaps they are preoccupied with day to day living, financial troubles, or family discord. Perhaps they really are happy inside, and they just have a different way of showing it. I don't know.

But I made a decision that day, and that decision is this: I never want to be caught without a smile.

I never want someone to look at me and wish I was smiling or wish I was happier or wish I could experience the joy they are feeling. I never want someone to look at me and be sad that I don't look happy. I never want to be THAT person--that person I see over and over and over all around me. You know, the one that looks so sad or stressed out or overwhelmed.

So, if you see me walking down the street, try and catch me. If you see me in the store, if you see me in church, if you see me at the school, try and catch me. If you see me with friends, if you see me with my kids (especially with my kids!), if you see me with my husband, try and catch me.

No matter where I am, not matter what I'm doing, try and catch me without a smile.

One Party, Zero Stress

I am so filled with gratitude today! Tired and worn out, but filled with gratitude!!!! :o)

If you have read my story, then you know that I used to be the definition of stress.

In fact, it got so bad that it landed me in the hospital at just 37 years old.

As you may suspect, I was especially stressed out around the holidays. There is so much to do! So many things I am responsible for! I must sacrifice so that everyone else can have a good time!

Yes, that was my life. Perhaps it has been yours, too.

This year, thanks to Beyond Freedom and a community of people to support me, I am having the most stress free holiday season of my adult life.

Case in point is last night.

I serve on the Board of Directors for the Little Theatre of Alexandria (LTA). Theatre is my greatest passion in life, and it is a pleasure to serve there as Governor for Membership. However, one of my responsibilities in this position is to host the annual holiday party.

As someone who always felt unpopular growing up--not being invited to parties, etc.--I have, as an adult, always told people that "parties are not my forte." Soooo much old emotional baggage comes up for me when it comes to parties--no one will come, no one will have a good time, people will talk badly about me afterwards, some else will have a party and not invite me. I would prefer to just stay away and let someone else take the emotional risk.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), I was "forced" to plan last night's party--partly because it is my job as Governor, and partly because I couldn't find anyone else to do it for me!!!

But here is the amazing thing...

I was cool as a cucumber in a situation which one year ago would have sent me over the edge. One week before the event I only had a sketchy idea of what I was going to do--and yet, I wasn't worried. A few days before the event I was shopping for food and deciding on a menu--and yet, I was calm and collected. The day before the event, I spent some time in the hot tub!

I wish I could relate what a complete turnaround this is for my life. My husband and my closest friends even noticed it.

And I can entirely contribute it to my Beyond Freedom and this community--a community of people who encourage, motivate, and inspire me to relax and enjoy life.

By the way, the party was a HUGE success. Many many people told me that it was the best holiday party and even the best party of any kind that they had ever been to at LTA. My heart is so full of gratitude, my eyes are welling up with tears--thank you, thank you, thank you Beyond Freedom!

Comfort vs. Results

"I need to ask you right up front--what's more important to you: being comfortable or getting results?"

These were the words spoken to me by my personal trainer when I was reporting the outcome of my latest cardio workout.

It was a tough question.

Though she hadn't said it specifically, I knew she was disappointed in my workout--I could have pushed harder, gone further, done more...but I hadn't.

--------------------

I met Caroline six months ago when we were both attending a community event in Las Vegas. She sat across the aisle from me, and I couldn't stop staring at her. She was so beautiful! She had a perfect body--beautiful posture--she was breathtaking.

As someone who has always been self conscious of my looks and body, I developed a lifelong habit of keeping away from people like Caroline. I thought people like her were self centered (wouldn't you have to be to spend so much time on your body?) and conceited (I wasn't in the same league, we both knew it, so it was best to just keep apart).

But my Beyond Freedom and my involvement in the community changed all all that.

Beyond Freedom taught me that all those voices and labels were 100% in my own head. Caroline was a person just like me--she had her own likes and dislikes, her own interests and talents, and her own insecurities.

And Beyond Freedom taught me that you must consciously seek after those who have what you want. If you want to be rich, hang around people who are rich. If you want to be happy, hang around people who are happy. If you want to be healthy, hang around people who are healthy.

So that day I did something I never in my 38 years could possibly have imagined I would ever do: I went up to her and told her how beautiful she was.

Not in a pick up way, of course! I simply told her that I noticed her, that I admired her, and I had wanted to meet her.

And, of course, she was delightful. I pumped her brain for advice on exercise, diet, and a healthy lifestyle. She gave me her card and told me to call if ever I needed any help--business, fitness, or otherwise.

Now, six months later, she has become one of the surest blessings of my life. She is helping me get in shape, and she is asking me the tough questions:

"Don't laugh, I really need to know the answer so that I know how to plan your workouts."

It was hard. In that moment, I had to make a decision. What did I really want? How hard was I willing to work for what I said I wanted? If I really want results, I must do what it takes to get them. Period.

I have been pondering Caroline's question for several days now (in between and even during the brutal workouts she is giving me so that I can achieve my goals--yes, that was my decision), and it occurred to me that her question to me is actually THE question of life:

What do you want more: to be comfortable or to achieve results?

Unfortunately, the majority of the population will choose comfort. Achieving results--in school, in business, in relationships, in fitness, in any area of life--after all, is hard work. It's hard to do things you've never done before. It's hard to quiet those voices in your head that tell you you're not good enough and you can't do it. It's hard to give up your ego, become humble, teachable and trainable in a new way of thinking and living.

But the results? Oh, the results are sooo worth it.

Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude

Since I won't be starting my Beyond Freedom up again until Thursday, I thought I would spend a few minutes just sharing comments about gratitude.

I have always been a spiritual person. I grew up in a Catholic home and went to Catholic school from first grade through high school. I don't remember a time when I ever doubted the existence of God or the fact that Christ was my brother and savior. This sometimes caused me grief as, even in a religious school, I felt made fun of for my beliefs and the seriousness with which I took them.

After graduating from high school, I had a powerful spiritual experience that caused me to leave Catholicism and join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I have been a faithful member ever since--going on 21 years now.

Despite these experiences and my association with some amazing people, I sometimes felt my prayers were somewhat rote. And while I believed in God and Jesus Christ, looking back, I didn't feel a strong connection to them in my daily life.

I did not think anything was amiss, though. After all, I was going to church, fulfilling my church callings, and doing what I thought I was required to do.

All that changed the winter of 2006.

The first weekend in December, I attended a powerful business seminar that was about so much more than business! Our teacher, Dani Johnson, opened up her soul to us and taught us to open up our own and let success flow in. I was literally blown away by the power I felt in that seminar.

Then, on the second day, as I was driving in from where I was staying and pondering what I had learned the day before, I had the most powerful spiritual experience of my life. At that moment the heavens opened up to me and learned more about God, Jesus Christ, myself, and my purpose here on earth than I thought possible. (You can read more about what happened to me here.)

I was absolutely overcome and just started crying and crying and crying. I don't know how I managed to keep driving!

Among the things that I learned that day is the power of gratitude.

You see, in my religion, we are taught that when we pray we are to begin by thanking God for all He has given us.

For me, this meant a rote "thank you for this day, thank you for my house, thank you for my family," and then I would move into other things.

But what I learned from my vision is that your heart should be so filled with gratitude that you hardly want to get up off of your knees.

And if you really really really understand all that you have in this life, that feeling can be a constant, daily occurrence. I believe it is the true meaning of the scriptures that counsel us to "pray always" (too many references to list here).

It all makes perfect sense, really.

Imagine for a moment that you knit a sweater for someone you love. You spend time carefully picking the pattern and selecting the perfect yarn--it's more expensive than you anticipated, but, you rationalize, it's worth it for this special someone. Next you spend hours and hours and hours--every spare moment--knitting. You give up evenings out and other things that you enjoy because your heart and soul and time is consumed with love for this person and this precious gift you are creating just for them.

Finally, it's finished. You look at the sweater and admire it. My goodness, it's beautiful--what a great job you have done! You imagine what it will be like to give this person the sweater--what they will say, the expression on their face, how good it will look on them.

The day arrives when you present your gift, and you hold your breath just a little--giddy with anticipation for your loved one's reaction. Your loved one opens the gift and says...

"Yeah, um, I'm not one for sweaters," or "Ugh, that is so not my color," or "Yeah, thanks for the sweater, but what I really wanted was a sweatshirt."

How would this make you feel? And how likely would be you give this person anything else?

The pain, the disappointment, the frustration, the sadness...all those feelings are exactly what our Father in Heaven feels when we put down, show indifference, or even complain about the many wondrous gifts he has given us. Gifts that are all around, if only we have eyes to see them.

This morning as I was driving to the gym, I was overcome with gratitude for the blessings of my life. I cannot believe that I was chosen to do and experience all these amazing gifts.

My heart was so full that tears spilled out of my eyes. What a wonderful world. What a gracious and loving God. I hardly want to get off of my knees.

Lesson 29: Beyond Freedom

Well, today is the last day.

I mapped out the Beyond Freedom program into 29 lessons so that, by completing just one lesson per day, I can finish the entire thing in one month.

And here we are.

How did I do? Unfortunately, I skipped many, many lessons. I got busy doing other things. I got sidetracked. Life got in the way.

Which is not to say, of course, that I did not learn lessons along the way--I did! But how much more would I have gained if I had simply followed directions? If I had only followed through on the commitment I made to myself? Is it any wonder that when when we don't make the corrections, we don't see the results?

The Beyond Freedom course says, "Even a single day of missed practice results in a backslide of progress which may take up to four additional days to recover." I am grateful for the opportunity to begin again. That's one of the things that makes this program so great! You get to do it over and over and over until you get it.

Funny...sounds just like life. Ever notice how the same lesson keeps popping up over and over and over? God gives us every possible chance to get it right!

Exercise: What is Possible?

There is a note with this final lesson that says, "You may now require a lifetime to answer." This is no doubt true! But what I am going to write about today is my vision for my future. What I now see as possible. What I now am working to bring to pass. I believe it is the reason I am here--on this earth generally, and in this community specifically. It's working title (subject to change!) is "e-squared."

My whole life I have been drawn to live theatre. There is a magic in it that I can't describe. It is different than movies and TV--more raw, more real.

As long as I can remember, theatre has given me something to dream about. It has opened my mind and stretched my imagination. It has fueled my passion and given me permission to experience a joy that for some reason I felt I was not allowed to have in "real" life.

When I was young, I dreamed of being on Broadway, but as I grew older, "reality" set in. I came to believe I wasn't pretty enough or talented enough. I did not want to experience the rejection after rejection that comes from practically begging for a job. I did not want the lifestyle--sleeping in, staying out late, not being able to have a "normal" family. And so I "settled" for community theatre.

Most days, I do not regret my decision. I have made something of a name for myself in community theatre. I met my husband here. I am raising my children here. We are teaching our children the importance of having interests outside of day to day living. And we are quite happy.
Before I found this community, when I was working another business, I followed teachers Hans and Dani Johnson. They started me on the path of personal development, and I love and respect them greatly. Hans and Dani taught us to have goals bigger than ourselves. They taught us that we really could accomplish amazing things--changing the world if we wanted to. And I distinctly remember Hans saying, "Don't think for a second that YOU are not the one to do it."

That sentence pierced me to the very soul. But at the time, I didn't have dreams big enough to really understand what he was saying.

Later, I found Beyond Freedom and one of the very first lessons has us create a list of 101 things we want to do before we die. I struggled to come up with 19!

At the time, I had a vague notion that I somehow wanted to affect the entertainment industry. I wanted to support artists--make it easier to create art without having to worry about money (maybe a scholarship fund?), support the work of people who were creating a positive, uplifting message in the industry. I kicked around the idea of starting a radio station that played empowering music.

And then one night I was listening to a training call where Shannon was talking about Donald Trump. She said that at one point he was $900 million in personal debt. I thought she must be wrong. She must have meant $9 million--I mean, no one is in personal debt for almost one billion dollars!

After I got off the call, I started researching Donald to find out if this was true, and sure enough, it was. Mr. Trump got his start in real estate. His father had done real estate, and he studied it in college. In fact, he ate, slept, and breathed it for many years--learning the ins and outs. In the 1980s, the real estate market was having a tough time, and many of Donald's friends were getting out and going into dot coms. They encouraged Donald to join them, and he considered it, but ultimately he said, "No, real estate is what I know. I need to stick with what I know."

Something about that phrase struck a cord with me and I began to realize that live theatre is what I know. It's what I love more than anything in the world. It's what I eat, sleep and breathe. And I realized that I can make a difference through live theatre.

Live theatre inspired me. It gave me hope. It opened my eyes to what is possible in the world. But not all theatre is created equal.

Much of the greatest art and literature is born of angst. Much of the entertainment that people enjoy reaffirms their own pain--for example, your boyfriend cheats on you, so you spend the day listening to "Your Cheatin' Heart" all day every day.

But there is music and theatre out there that lifts, motivates, inspires, and empowers. I want to be instrumental in bringing more of that to the stage AND to introducing it to more and more people.

What is amazing to me about all of this is that I am ALREADY in a position to start making this happen--it was all around me and I didn't even realize it!

I serve on the board of The Little Theatre of Alexandria (LTA). Each year, LTA sponsors a one act competition. People submit scripts from all across the country. LTA picks a winner, produces it, and enters it into the Northern Virginia Theater Alliance (NVTA) one act competition.

LTA makes little to no money for doing this. The authors submit entry fees, but that money goes toward prize money and production costs. They put on two performances (I think) and don't charge for tickets. And there is no prize money associated with the NVTA competition.

Also, there are basically no guidelines for the entries. They can be in any style about anything. And it seems the main criteria for the winner is that it is easy to produce (minimal set, costume, etc.).

My plan is to sponsor the competition. I will design the criteria--which is simply that it must have a particular message or theme. I will produce it and promote it to high schools, churches, and other organizations that want to promote a positive, empowering message. And I will charge for tickets!

I could spend all day talking about what this will be. And as the idea develops more and more, I will write more and more of these things down.

But my vision for the future--my future--is so bright. It is so crystal clear. It is so exciting!

Lesson 22a: Defining Success

Here I am on Lesson 22--what happened to the last 18 lessons?

Alas, I have been distracted, and I haven't done my Beyond Freedom. I have nothing to say, just excuses, excuses, excuses.

If I were going through this for the first time, I would pick up where I left off and do Lesson 5. But since I have done it before, and I really want to stick with with my monthly schedule, I am picking up at Lesson 22. It's pretty amazing, actually--that's the lesson we discussed last night on Shannon's Beyond Freedom call.

Exercise: Charting Your Life

It's kind of tricky to do this life chart in the blog--I don't know how to draw pictures. But I'll just list out the important events and rate them.

Birth-5

Like most people, I don't remember the early part of my life well. Though I assume it was, for the most part, happy. No tragedies that I know of. +10.

Kindergarten

When I was in Kindergarten, my family was in a pretty serious car accident. Though I was so young, I was kind of oblivious--I'll rate it a -2.

My mother was hurt pretty badly, so my brother and I were sent to live with my Uncle. I'll rate that a -4.

We had a good time, though, and we developed independence at a very young age. +6

Grades 1-4

These were very good years for me. I was "popular"--had a lot of friends, boys liked me. I was very happy. +10

Grade 5

This is where it started to crumble. I was starting to change. I wasn't pretty anymore. Other girls were starting to get the boys' attention. I struggled with my self esteem. -6

Grades 6-11

These were really the worst years of my life--around 6th grade, life got really dramatic, as hormones kicked in, boys became important, and popularity cliques started forming. In high school, my dad started suffering from a mental illness that would dominate the next 10 years of all of our lives. -9

Summer Before Senior Year

I had a brief respite the summer before my senior year. I spent the summer in San Diego working at Sea World. I had a chance to recreate myself with people I didn't know--people I hadn't grown up with. This summer changed the course of my life. +8

Grade 12

I was so stressed out from everything going on--school, lack of popularity, my dad's illness, my parent's crumbling marriage--that I ended up home in bed for a couple months. I missed so much school that I had to drop out of some classes and rearrange my schedule to catch up. As soon as I graduated, I moved out (in with my Grandma) and then went away to college as soon as I could. -8

First 2 Years of College

These were the best years of my life. I made incredible friends, had a BLAST, enjoyed my freedom, joined the church. +10

The Next 4 Years

The next four years were spent trying to recreate the magic from the first two. We all moved away, I transferred schools and hated it, I took a year off, I came back. I wasn't so concerned about popularity anymore, but I was itching to get out in the real world and live my dreams. +5

The First Year after Graduation

This was a tough year. I had fulfulled a dream and moved to the East, but I couldn't find a job. I was just about to give up. +2

The SoftMed Years

I finally found a job, and I LOVED it. I loved every moment of it. I couldn't wait to go to work. Life was awesome. +10

Theatre and Dan

I started doing theatre and got great reviews. One of the best moments of my entire life was being in the parade. I won an award. I met Dan. We fell in love and got married. +10

The Kids

The kids came quickly and were a joy. They continue to be. +10

The Businesses

Life started getting stressful when I started my businesses. The first was my own creation, built from scratch. I was SO excited--it was going to make me a millionaire. Then I started doing network marketing and found that I loved it. Then I started a website to help others with their network marketing business. +6

The Businesses Cont.

Life started getting really really stressful. So much time and effort and nothing to show for it. It lands me in the hospital with a suspected heart attach. -6

Enter Beyond Freedom

I join the Beyond Freedom community, and I'm really excited about it. But I'm not doing as well as I had hoped--what's wrong? +2

E-Squared

I never did know why I had joined the community. I felt like the Universe/God wanted me here and I was just blindly following. I hadn't plugged into my passion. I come up with an idea for a live theatre experience--Empowering Entertainment ("e" squared)--and I can NOT stop thinking about it. I start taking steps to realize the dream and business takes off. +10

Lesson 4: Some Simple Truths

What an amazing day...and it's not even over yet! The kids have the day off of school, and sometimes it can be challenging to find things that keep them occupied while still allowing me to do the things I enjoy. But today has been just delightful!

Our day started with a parent-teacher conference for my son. He just started Kindergarten, so we were anxious to hear how he is doing! The first thing the teacher went over was his score on a recent assessment. The benchmark as a score of 61. He got 177!!!!! Ha ha ha! Amazing...

Next the kids and I stopped by the theatre where my husband and I "work"--volunteer, actually. It's our favorite hobby--I'm onstage and he's backstage. We had to stop by to order some tickets for Awards night this weekend. My husband has been nominated for two awards--one for co-set design and one for set construction. I'm pretty confident that he'll win at least one of them--unfortunately, I won't be able to be there to cheer him on because I am performing that night at another local theatre.

Anyway, we had to pay for his ticket for the reception. Since I will be elsewhere, he's going to have to take the kids with him, and we weren't sure whether we were going to have to buy tickets for the kids, too. Turns out they are going to let them come for free! Woo hoo!

Next we headed out to the pool. Today is a training day for me (training for a triathlon!), and normally I would just go while they are in school. But, since they had to come along, they donned their suits as well and we checked out a relatively new pool quite a ways away from us. It was AWESOME!!! They had a kids area with sprays and a slide, the pool was only 18 inches deep, and there was a full time lifeguard there to watch them while I went and did my laps. And it was FREE for me because it was part of the county-wide system where I normally swim. Cool! We are definitely going to go back there again.

After swimming, we went to lunch and ate outside in the beautiful, warm, but-not-hot, 85 degree weather. It was just delightful. As soon as we got home, I got a call from someone wanting to find out more about my business--how much better can it get?

So, now on to my Beyond Freedom...

Exercise: The Ideal Me

The first time I went through the program, I completely skipped this exercise--like I blocked it out, and it wasn't even there! Hmmm...I wonder what that is a sign of? Perhaps I am afraid to write it down in the event that I don't BECOME it--a psychological avoidance technique to protect me contradicting myself. Even now, I have done everything I could to avoid the exercise: I took a short nap, I put dinner on, and now I have caught myself surfing the web. I wonder why this is so frightening for me?

When describing the ideal me, I have to categorize it by area. There are just so many facets to a person!

Physically

I am beautiful. People notice me right away and comment on my beauty. My body is thin and lean. I am strong and healthy. My skin is soft and supple. My hair is thick and attractively styled. I am energetic and full of life.

Intellectually

I am smart, funny, and quick witted. People love to be around me because I challenge them to be better while at the same time I make them feel good about right where they are. I make people laugh. People love to be around me.

Artistically

I am a true performer. I love singing, acting, and dancing, not only for how I feel doing it, but for how it affects the people watching. I am instrumental in bringing to the stage works of theatre that empower and inspire. People thank me for changing their lives--for allowing them to see their own true worth in a way they never could before. Through theatre, I make a real difference in people's lives, and I leave them better than I found them.

As a Wife

I am loving, supportive, and available. I encourage my husband to live his best life, and I support him in achieving all that he sets out to do. I am loved and desired--I make my husband feel so good about himself, that he cannot get enough of me.

As a Parent

I am an encouraging and guiding force in my children's lives. I provide the freedom for them to make their own choices and experience their own consequences, yet I teach them all that I have learned so that they may make good choices and experience the rewards that come from living in harmony with God's laws. My children respect me and trust me. I encourage them to live their best lives and support them in achieving all they set out to do. I am loved--I make them feel so good about themselves that they always want me to be an important part of their lives.

As a Force for Good in the World--a Child of God

I stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that I may be in (Mosiah 18:9). I take a stand for the potential for greatness in every human being. In everything I do, I encourage, lift and inspire. I stand as an example for others to follow by living my own life in harmony with God's laws. I actively seek ways to help spread the message of truth and goodness and the power of every individual to rise up and step into their own divinely appointed seat as heirs to the kingdom of God.

Wow...that felt good!!! I can't imagine why I was avoiding the experience. Just like the description of my ultimate day, I need to make it a practice to write this out every day! So awesome...

Lesson 3: What is Possible

I am so grateful for my life!

This morning I was tidying the table and found that my daughter had left one of her school books here. So I got in the car and drove to school to bring it to her. I am so grateful that I have the freedom and flexibility to do that! Other moms might have to be at work and wouldn't even notice or have the time to take it in.

I went to the school and signed in. The secretary saw me, but walked away before I had a chance to tell her why I was there. So I just headed to my daughter's classroom and dropped off the book. When I came back to the office, I commented that I figured she trusted me. She said that if it had been any other parent, she would have stopped them. How cool is that? I am able to be involved with my kids, their lives, the school...life is great!

So, on to today's lesson...

Exercise: What derailed you?

Part 1: Excuse

When I look at the goals I have set recently and wonder why I got off track, it seems to always boil down to one thing: being tired.

Being tired seems to be my standard excuse for everything: not eating right, not keeping the house clean, falling behind in my commitments to the organizations I am involved in, not doing my reading for my class, not stepping up my business--just about everything.

Sometimes I am physically tired (for example, from truly not enough sleep), other times I am overwhelmed (and I just want to sleep and "turn off"), other times I am intellectually tired (like thinking of a solution--I know if I just relax it will come to me).

The problem is that this creates a viscious cycle: if I'm too tired to eat right, I eat unhealthy food, which in turn saps my energy and makes me more tired. If am overwhelmed and want to sleep because I have so much to do, sleeping just makes the work pile up more, which makes me want to sleep more, etc.

Part 2: Solution

Knowing that this was going to be the lesson today, I was thinking about this yesterday and I had a powerful realization.

I am passionate about the overcoming story. I love to hear about people who have triumphed over poverty, abuse, disability, and other disadvantages. I always imagine that if I had that problem, I would be one of those success stories! And yet, when it comes to my own challenges, I succumb! I fall back on the excuse!

I need to persevere in the face of my challenges, just like I would expect others to persevere in the face of theirs! That means doing things even though I am tired. Not using it as an excuse to keep me down!

Of course, there are also some strategies for managing my energy so that I feel less tired in the first place. In fact, I recently read an incredible book called The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. This book is what spurred me to get off my butt and start exercising--ultimately to train for a triathlon! I am committed to going back to this book and applying more of the strategies they teach.

The key, however, and this is something we hear all over the place in the Beyond Freedom community and, for example, in the movie The Secret, is not to focus on the problem, but instead to focus on the opposite of the problem--the goal. So, instead of saying, "What can I do to make me less tired?" (which just makes me think of and focus on tired), I need to say, "What can I do that will give me more energy?" Or, "Will the choice I am making right now give me more energy?"

And then, of course, when I have more energy, I must focus it on what matters. But that's a lesson for another time.

Lesson 2: Beyond Freedom

I wondered yesterday why I was doing two exercises. I'll have to remember for next time to do the second exercise on the second day!

So, since I don't have an exercise to complete, I'm just going to write some gratitude notes for this wonderfully amazing day.

My day started with going swimming. I am training for a triathalon--a story for another time (actually, I will probably write it in a few days when I get to the lesson on setting goals!). Anyway, right now I am doing an 8 week swimming rotation. This is the beginning of the third week.

I always thought I could swim. I mean, I took lessons, and it didn't seem all that hard. But I have a new appreciation for swimmers--there is a lot to remember!

I never realized it before, but before I got involved with the Beyond Freedom community, I lived my life RESENTING the people who had what I wanted. Now I know that if you live that way, you will never get what you want. Why? Because it creates a paradox. If you resent people who have X, and you have X, then you resent yourself--and your mind will never allow that to happen. T. Harv Eker wrote in his book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, about a native tribe who had a saying, "Bless that which you want." This sums it up perfectly. So now I actively seek out people who have what I want--I introduce myself, I talk to them, I compliment them, I ask them for advice. This small principle has absolutely transformed my life!

Last week when I went swimming, the woman in the lane next to me had a beautiful stroke. So I watched her carefully to pick up some pointers. Today, she was next to me again, and I commented on it! She thanked me and said she was a swimming instructor and that she works really hard to have good technique. Later, she gave me advice on how I can improve. Awesome! I'm hoping I see her again--what a valuable resource! It's amazing what the law of attraction can bring into our lives...

After swimming I came home and had a great session with my marketing coach and learned some very valuable lessons that I was able to apply--and see results with--right away. Awesome! He complimented me on my website--said I was very unique and stood out in a crowd. Woo hoo! Just what I was aiming for!

Next I got cleaned up and did a little shopping, then the kids came home and we talked and got caught up on their day. Then we headed out for ballet.

We were a little early, so we stopped by a local park, and while the kids played, I sat and soaked up the beauty of the incredibly gorgeous day. The weather was perfect, and the park was on the banks of the Potomac River--so beautiful! While at the park, I got a call from a property manager to arrange for our private tour of a new lakefront development. We will head down there in a couple weeks to spend the weekend, check out the property, and consider investing for retirement.

Next I dropped my daughter off at ballet and tuned in to a team call where the leaders were talking about all the fun things planned for our trip to Cancun NEXT WEEK. I am sooooo excited to see everyone! Not to mention participate in what is going to be an amazing personal development conference. "Beyond Freedom come to life," I heard someone say recently.

I am just so grateful for my life, this community, the personal growth I have received from tuning in. To quote Emile Coue, the french psychologist, "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better."

:o)

Lesson 1: Introduction

Ah...fresh and clean and new...I even put a new skin on this blog so that it matches my work at home website. Awesome!

First, let me just start by expressing gratitude. I am so grateful for my life! The sun is shining, the air is crisp. I live in a beautiful home in a safe, secure, lovely area. We live close enough to the city to have all sorts of good restaurants, night life, theatre, etc. at our fingertips, and yet we live just far enough away to not feel crowded, be in good schools, have access to nature and fresh air. It really is perfect.

And I'm so grateful for the Beyond Freedom community. Last night on Shannon's call we shared experiences and breakthroughs and insights in this grand adventure of life and personal development. It is SO heartening to hear how other people have changed and grown, and it gives me such confidence to introduce this program and this community to anyone--anyone who truly takes advantage of it WILL succeed here.

Exercise: Ultimate Day

I wake up refreshed and renewed with the sun. I love the cool crisp air, and I breathe deeply. I linger only briefly in bed, enjoying the light and the silence--perhaps a few birds are chirping, welcoming the day.

I get up out of bed and enjoy the solitude--I am the first one up. I get dressed, wash my face, and brush my hair, and then I head downstairs where I enjoy the view of water--perhaps a lake or the ocean. The newness of the sun and all of nature around me gently waking up fills me with joy and gratitude for this beautful earth and the time I get to spend here. I practice my yoga, feeling the stretch and enjoying the strength of my body. I am pleased with my figure and proud of how I have had the self discipline to sculpt it into something I enjoy living in and looking at.

Next I enjoy some physical exercise--perhaps a jog or a bike ride. Maybe a swim if it's warm enough. As I exercise my body, I again feel the joy of my strength and persistance. Look! I have the body I always wanted! I am overcome with joy and struggle to hold back a few tears at the thought.

I return home just as my family is waking up. My husband and I take a shower and enjoy a delicious breakfast of fresh, bountiful fruit with the children.

After breakfast, we spend time as a family. Maybe we play a game, maybe we go outside, maybe we talk about our lives and what we want to accomplish while we're here. Maybe we read or laugh or just hug and love each other.

Our lunch consists of a large, fresh, green salad. We take our time and enjoy the crisp, delicious goodness.

After lunch, we go our separate ways. I work on a project of some kind--maybe it's a little business, maybe it's paying bills, blogging, scrapbooking, or writing letters. Maybe I am taking a class and doing homework. Something to focus on and stimulate my mind for a few hours.

For dinner, Dan and I and a few friends go out for some fabulous vegetarian cuisine. Afterwards we head to the theatre, where my production company is getting ready to present one of our signature empowering plays. People have come from all over to see it. They know that when they come to see one of OUR shows, they are going to leave feeling good about themselves and the world. And they will feel like they can accomplish anything they set out to do.

After the show, there is a reception and people keep coming up to me to tell me how much they enjoyed the production and what a great concept our production company is. They tell me stories of how our productions have changed their lives and the lives of people they know.

Dan and I leave--not too late--and soak in the feelings of gratitude and accomplishment. We feel we have really made a difference.

We come home pleasantly tired--not exhausted--and Dan tells me how grateful he is to have married a woman with such vision and drive, and he wonders aloud what his life would have been like without me.

We end the evening intimately, passionately, and with complete satisfaction that we have lived the ultimate day.

Wow. What a powerful exercise. I have done it before, of course, and I was tempted to just go get my previous journal and write in here what I wrote before. But I was too lazy to get up and go get it, so I decided to just write it out again. And wow. The feelings that came up! I should write that out every single day! I want to live that day!!!!

Exercise: Advice

The best advice I ever received was from my friend Sylvia. It was the summer before our senior year of college, and I remember I was housesitting for a friend of mine while she was on her honeymoon. I had signed up with a temp agency and was hoping they would call me with work. I hadn't worked in several days, and money was running out. I remember I was talking to Sylvia on the phone, and I said something like, "If they don't have any work for me tomorrow, I'm going to be so mad." I have never forgotten Sylvia's response: "Margie, don't look forward to being in a bad mood."

I can't say I have always followed that advice, but I CAN say, it was the best advice I ever received. Focus on the positive. Don't anticipate, hope for, or look forward to the negative!

Sometimes we focus on negative things just so we can have something to talk about--we think it makes life more interesting. But it doesn't make it more interesting, it just makes it more negative.

Another piece of great advice I recently received from reading the book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker. He writes about how he had come across a particular native tribe (in Hawaii?) who had a saying, "Bless that which you want." This has also been really eye opening for me. You see, I have always resented and cursed people who have what I want--beauty, fame, fortune, and (when I was single) a boyfriend/husband. But if you do this, you will NEVER achieve these things! Because it creates a paradox in your mind--are these things good or bad? You say they're good, but they must be bad because you always say/think negative things about people who have them!

A New Beginning

Wow. I can't believe it has been two whole months since I last posted on this blog. Time flies so quickly!

I have been busy rehearsing for a play (which is now running--done with rehearsals!) and working hard in my new position as Governor for Membership at our local theatre. Not to mention all of the other daily stuff like taking care of the house and kids, the PTA, my triathlon training, etc., etc.

Though I have continued to plug into the Beyond Freedom Community, I have let my own person development work slip. For shame!

So, this being the first of the month, I decided now was a good time to start fresh.

The Beyond Freedom program is sold as a "90-day home study course," but there aren't 90 days of activities. In fact, there are 29 distinct lessons, so I figure it would be each to do one lesson per day and consequently complete the entire program in one month. That is my plan for the month of October.

I intend to use this blog as my journal during the process. That is what it was supposed to be from the beginning, but it turned out to be a series of articles regarding my breakthroughs--valuable, yes, but not really "raw."

So today it is a new beginning. I can't wait! :o)

Taking Money

This might turn out to be the longest post I have ever written--or ever will write. But it is likely the most personally important one I have ever written, either. So please bear with me as I share a major major major revelation I had yesterday.

You know how you have these little breakthroughs (and if you're doing your Beyond Freedom, you have them all the time), and you think they're so exciting, until you have a GIANT breakthrough, and you realize those other things were nothing? Like people digging for gold and getting all excited because they found little strains here and there. Woo hoo! We're rich! Until they come upon the mother lode, and those strains suddenly seem really insignificant.

Well, this breakthrough is the mother lode and will no doubt have a powerful effect on the rest of my life.

THE STORY

Every Monday is cleaning day at our house, and the first Monday of every month is "super cleaning day"--just an extra boost for a few things we don't clean regularly.

I think that no matter how much money I make, I will always clean my own house.

I just love it.

Even though it is hard work, I am consumed with gratitude while I do it--gratitude that I HAVE a house to clean (I always wanted a house of my own and am so grateful that my husband had the foresight to buy this one before we were married) and gratitude that it's so big (five bedrooms, four baths, finished basement) and gratitude that I found some natural cleaning products so I don't have to worry about getting sick or poisoned from the chemicals.

And I just love the moment when everything is clean and orderly. It resonates with the deepest of my core values: order and simplicity.

It's hard work, but the results are so worth it!

Anyway, one of the sections in Beyond Freedom is about the subconscious mind. And in one of the lessons, we are asked to write down where we were and what we were doing when we had our greatest ideas. Of course, most people find that the ideas came when they were doing something completely unrelated--when they were in a moment of relaxation (such as drifting off to sleep) or focussed on something else (like driving down the highway).

My lesson came while I was cleaning the shower.

I'm not sure why it popped into my head--perhaps my subconscious had been trying to send me a message for some time and I was always to preoccupied to hear it. Regardless, here was the message:

I have a history of refusing to take money from others.

In case the significance of that didn't quite sink in, let me say it again:

I have a history of refusing to take money from others.

When this thought popped into my head, I thought of ALL the times in my life when I had an opportunity to take money--even when I really and truly deserved it--and I turned it down.

I went back ages ago to a time when I was a kid and I helped an old lady with her groceries. She offered me a quarter, and my mother said not to take it--I should do things out of the goodness of my heart.

When I was in college, I tutored a number of other students for free--out of the goodness of my heart. Today, tutoring has become its own industry--I could have made a killing.

When I was newly in the work force and most of my friends did not have any money, I would often pay for things for them--like dinner out--and I wouldn't accept repayment. I just wanted to do it...you guessed it...out of the goodness of my heart.

Throughout my years in corportate America, I never once asked for a raise or a bonus. I just gratefully took whatever they gave me, and it wasn't until years later that I learned I had been severely underpaid. But even after I found out, it didn't bother me! "Money isn't important," I told myself. "I did the job because I loved it, not for the money," I said.

When I started my first business, I spent tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours getting it going. And then I provided the service FOR FREE. When I eventually realized I could start charging, I charged a ridiculously low amount. Everyone told me that, but what did I say? "Well, I'm really just providing this service (can you guess?) out of the goodness of my heart. It's not about the money."

In my last business, I spent hours and hours and hours and hours developing a (you guessed it) FREE training program for people who were struggling in the business. Since there were so many struggling, I developed a following of over 200 people--people who loved me, listened to me, respected me, looked up to me, followed me, and paid me nothing.

I guess somewhere in my pysche, as evidenced by the patterns I developed and the results I got, I must have thought the money would just miraculously appear!

How stupid is that???

Every time I said NO to money, I was telling the Universe I didn't really want it.

The result? I didn't get any!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE LESSON

Awhile back, I wrote about being in Receive Mode--about making a conscious effort to accept the things that come into your life, whether it be a compliment, an act of service, or something of material value.

But what I realized is that this is only half of the picture.

Being in Receive Mode is about me. It's about willingly accepting things that come into my life--getting rid of the "knee-jerk" reaction of "no, I'm OK, I'm fine, I don't need any help, I can do it by myself."

But accepting these things can raise an internal conflict if you don't believe you deserve to have or that somehow it is wrong to have. For many of us, this idea is a major major component of our religious, social, and cultural beliefs. And I think, for me, this was a huge part of my programming--all stemming back at least as far as the incident with the woman at the grocery story.

What I realized yesterday, and what I'm still reeling from today, is that being in Receive Mode does not mean receiving and keeping. In fact, I am a conduit.

I simply provide safe passage for the money (blessings, compliments, service, etc.) to flow from one place to another.

And I don't mean giving it all away to charity.

Even if I use the money to buy a BMW, I am paying for the food on the table of the thousands and thousands of people who made that car possible.

When I use the money to remodel my house, I am providing jobs for the people who manufacture the materials, the people who sell the materials, the designers, and the contractors who do the work.

Even if I don't spend the money at all and just invest it, I am playing a part in the viability of banks, public companies who have stocks, and the people that work for them. I am putting my money in a place where it will be used for the good of others--loans for buildings and businesses and other things that create a thriving economy.

And my reward for being this conduit is a life that I enjoy and a happiness that is my birthright!

When I don't take money, I am not being good or noble. I am blocking the passage of all of these good things into the lives of countless other individuals--and it is shameful.

So, no more!

I hereby declare that I will step up and take my place where it belongs as an instrument of bringing good in the world. I will open the gates and be a conduit for money to pass through me and into the hands of others so that we can ALL enjoy prosperity and abundance!

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• What are you saying no to in your life? Start paying attention to your "knee-jerk" reaction when someone pays you a compliment, provides service, or even offers to pay you for something. Remember, your job is not to say no. Your job is to say yes, and pass it on!

Which is Worse?

THE STORY

I have a cavity.

It's not just any cavity--it's a big gaping hole in the side of my tooth.

I have had it for months, and it bothers me every single day.

But it doesn't bother me enough to fix it.

Some days I get something stuck in the cavity, and it is really painful, and I say, "That's IT! I'm going to the dentist RIGHT now!"

Then I brush my teeth, or I put Orajel on it, or it just goes away, or whatever, and I'm back to living with it, being annoyed by it, but not really doing anything about it.

THE LESSON

The sad truth is that this is how most people live their whole lives.

There is something not quite right--something annoying--something unpleasant--but it's not bad enough to change.

I call this "acceptably bad."

It's the "well, it's not perfect, but it will do" mentality.

I'm not sure where this comes from. Well, let me clarify that I know where it comes from--I'm not sure why.

Obviously, it comes from our parents, our culture, our conditioning.

But why? Where did we get this twisted notion that we should settle? That we don't have a right to demand better?

At what point do we rise up and say, "This has to change! I can't stand it anymore! I WON'T stand it anymore!"

I believe it's this: We have conditioned our minds to play the "which is worse" game, instead of the "which is better" game.

Here is what this game looks like.

Which is worse:

1. Calling the dentist, making the appointment, getting in the car, spending the time at the office; or
2. Living with the pain in my tooth.

Well, number 1 is a lot of time and hassle. Number 2 is pretty simple--I've done it all this time.

So, until the pain gets so bad that it is actually worse than the thought of number 1, I'm not going to do anything about it.

Here's another one.

Which is worse:

1. Spending the time learning how to become an entrepreneur, making mistakes along the way, risking money, changing habits; or
2. Living with the way things are now, trading hours for dollars, not having time to spend with the kids, living paycheck to paycheck.

Again, until right now gets so bad that it is actually worse than the thought of number 1, you're not going to change.

So let's all start playing the "Which is Better" game instead!

Which is better?

1. Having no pain in my tooth, or
2. Having pain in my tooth

Which is better?

1. Having loads of money in the bank, or
2. Living paycheck to paycheck

Which is better?

1. Being in control of your life
2. Being controlled by your life

I'll let you decide.

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• Is there a decision you are trying to make in your life? Forget making a list of pros and cons. Play the "which is better" game and just make a list of pros!

Creating Your Life

What an amazing, awesome, wonderful day!

I had the most amazing breakthrough during my morning meditation today--I had to write!

THE STORY

So this morning I was meditating on the idea that we create our own life and what that means exactly.

You see, I believe in God. More specifically, I believe that I am a child of God--we all are. Paul said to the Romans, "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God." (Romans 8:16, KJV)

And I believe this quite literally--not as an allegory.

Now I'm going to take this a step further, and here comes the fear of falling--the fear that I am going to alientate and offend any super religious folks who may be reading this blog. But, as I said when I started out, if we don't feel like we're falling, we are not walking by faith!

So here goes.

I believe that we have within us God's "DNA," so to speak. Like God, WE ARE ALL POWERFUL. (Anyone offended by my blasphemy yet?)

Christ himself said, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do." (John 14: 12, KJV, my emphasis)

So what did God do when He created the earth? He spoke, and it was so.

What did Christ do when He was on the earth? He spoke, and it was so.

And we have the very same power. We have the power to create anything we want just by "speaking" it into existence. In Proverbs, we read, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21, KJV) and Christ told his apostles, "If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you." (Matt 17:20, KJV, my emphasis)

Nothing shall be impossible to you. NOTHING.

So why is it that we struggle so much? Why is it that we don't just fly around or heal people at will or all become instant millionaires?

I believe that it is because we don't know yet how to use the power. Just like when we were born we had to learn how to move our arms and legs, and then we had to learn how to walk and run, and then we learned how to talk, and then had to learn how to control our bowels, and then we had to learn how to read and so on...

We need to constantly learn how to use what we have been given.

We are all powerful, but we need to learn how to use our power.

I like to think of it like those superhero stories--you know, that moment they discover they have this power. But they have to learn how to use it. In modern stories (like the X-Men comic books and movies, the mega TV hit Heroes, or one of my favorite, lesser-known TV shows, 4400), the characters are actually afraid of this power--afraid they can't control it and it will harm somebody, or afraid of being different.

THE LESSON

Anyway, this morning I had an amazing revelation. A powerful insight into what this power is really like.

You see, we are constantly creating everything around us. As Lisa Nichols said in The Secret, "there is no stop or pause button."

So how is it that things seem so messy? I couldn't explain it...until now.

What I realized this morning is that we are like a giant paintbrush, oozing paint out of every pore. As you can imagine, everything we touch gets paint all over it--all the time--whether we intend it or not.

If we put our hand on a canvas, we might like what we see, but when we go to sit on the couch--look out! Mess. Mess everywhere.

And have you heard the term, "What you focus on expands?"

Well if we are giant paintbrush, and whatever we touch gets paint on it, what happens if we touch something a LOT? You guessed it--lots of paint, lots of mess.

Have you ever tried to clean up a paint spill with a cloth that already has paint on it? The spill expands. And that's what happens when you focus on something in your life--whether it is good or bad, it gets bigger.

So here's what we need to do. We must first acknowledge that we are this giant paintbrush. We simply have to stop denying it. No matter how hard you try to ignore it or pretend it's not true, you can't change the fact that you are what you are (a child of God--i.e. a giant paintbrush).

Once you stop resisting the idea, you realize that you are very powerful. In fact, you can paint whatever scenery you want. Don't like it? You can change it! You are the painter--you are in control!

Of course it takes time and practice to learn to control and really refine your power. In fact, I believe that you will never truly perfect it in this life.

But the more you practice, the better you will get. And before you know it, you will be able to create whatever you want with relative ease.

The real trick will be to discover what you want to create. But that's a lesson for another time.

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• Did you know that you are creating your own life? What have you created so far? If you're not sure, look around--that's your painting. The great thing is, YOU are in control. T. Harv Eker wrote in his book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, "Most people don't get what they want in life because they don't know what they want in life!" Get out a piece of paper right now and write what you would like your life to be like. Write it in positive terms--avoid the word "not," because that just conjures up the unpleasant thing. Each day, write down one thing you did to come closer to what you want your life to be like.

I Took My Kids to the Movies!

Yesterday, I took my kids to the movies.

For most people, of course, this may seem like no big deal. For me, it was HUGE!

Here's why...

THE STORY

I have been a mom for almost 7 years now.

By some measures, I am a good one: I stay home with them, care for them, love them, and I don't beat them or talk badly to them.

But by other measures, I am not so good: I have never done the playdate/playgroup thing (that is, I never made the effort to get them around other kids), I don't really do crafty things with them (like fingerpainting or other projects), I rarely take them to the park, and I have NEVER taken them to the movies!

I'm sure you're wondering what I do with them! Well, it's not that they watch TV all day. For the first several years of their lives, in fact, I never let them watch TV at all! Then I started to feel guilty that they were so "backwards" compared to other kids, and I began to let them watch a couple hours a day. Other than that, we read, they help me clean the house, they help me cook, they go grocery shopping with me, they play on the swing set or in the sand box in the backyard, or they play with toys in the house.

So why am I such a weird mom?

Well, I used to explain it by saying that I didn't "need" it. For many moms, getting together for play groups or taking their kids to the park is as much for them as it is for the kids. Moms will say they "need a break" or "need adult conversation," and I kind of prided myself that I wasn't like that. I had plenty of outside interests that kept me intellectually challenged and gave me sufficient "time away" from my kids.

What the Beyond Freedom community has taught me, however, is that those very outside interests were keeping me from enjoying my life and enjoying my children!

THE LESSON

You see, I never had enough time.

I was always too busy.

I never thought I had "permission" to stop what I was doing and do these "frivolous" things with my kids (frivolous to me, obviously--not to them).

I always had so much to do that I kept saying, "When this done, then..." or "When I have this under control, then..."

And though I felt a twinge of guilt that I wasn't doing more with my kids, I justified it by saying, "Well, if we lived 100 years ago, they would be helping with the cooking and cleaning--heck, they might even have a JOB by now!" or "If we lived in the country, we wouldn't have movie theatres or playgrounds or amusement parks nearby..."

It wasn't until my association with the Beyond Freedom community that I began to see the light.

It is because of the Beyond Freedom program--and the people in the community who continue to keep me motivated and set the example--that I am learning to stop and smell the roses.

I am learning to celebrate life.

I am learning to drink in every moment with my kids--who will very soon be grown and living lives of their own.

And I am learning the importance of taking time out to go to the movies!

Who can put a price on that?

Let me end with a powerful quote from the movie we saw yesterday.

The movie was Ratatouille. It's a computer animated film from Disney/Pixar about a rat (Remy), who was born with an appreciation for gourmet food and a desire to be a great chef. He didn't know how, he didn't know when...all he knew was that he was born for something greater than just being one of the pack.

His dad (Django) tries to convince him that he should be satisfied with who he is.

Django says, "This is the way things are; you can't change nature."

To which Remy replies, "Change is nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide."

As Remy turns to leave, Django says, "Where are you going?"

And it is Remy's answer that really hit home to me. It is Remy's answer that is what life is becoming for me. It is Remy's answer that simply and powerfully sums up for all of us the answer to question, "Where are we going?"

"With luck, forward."

TAKE ACTION

• If you like what you read in this blog and would like to find out more about the Beyond Freedom program, please contact the person that sent you here. If you found this blog by accident (knowing, of course, that there are no accidents), you may contact me at beyondfreedom@theremmersfamily.com
• Are you stopping to smell the roses? Or are you missing out on all of the wondrous taste, smells, and adventures around you because you're just too busy? For the rest of the day, slow down. Take in a sunset, take a walk in nature, hug your kids really really tight, see the city lights at night. Start right now.